


Big Evangelion Rush 0.1: you can (not) battle of the bands

by rosyinnie, Spicycrab



Category: Big Time Rush (TV), Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, M/M, Multi, all science replaced with gay, anythings possible guys, asuka is gay and homophobic, band au, everyone is gay but except gendo and kaji, god forgive me, it's a long story, kaworu and shinji end the world by dancing to renai circulation together, kaworu and shinji homie moments, kaworu doesnt die, kokichi joins kaworu's band so he can dance to womanizer by britney spears, komaeda is somehow a part of this fanfic don't ask, rei plays triangle, ritsuko and misato lesbians bc i said so, sans from undertale is a part of kaworu's band for whatever reason, shinji go WAAAAAAA bc he's still a little bitch, shinji unironically enjoys kaworu x reader, technically speaking this is canon bc timeloops, this fic is giving me too much power, we literally follow the main plot of neon genesis evangelion but turn it into a nickelodeon sitcom, yandere dev is also a character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25512064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyinnie/pseuds/rosyinnie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spicycrab/pseuds/Spicycrab
Summary: Big Kaworu Rush and 01 Direction are rival bands, managed by NERV and Seele labels respectively, however, seeing as the only other member of Big Kaworu Rush is Yandere Dev, what will happen when Kaworu is sent to 01 Direction to acquire their latest hit single: "iCarly Theme Song"?
Relationships: Akagi Ritsuko/Katsuragi Misato, Ayanami Rei/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu, Ikari Yui/Makinami Mari Illustrious, Komaeda Nagito/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 26
Collections: big evangelion rush cinematic universe





	1. BAND attack!

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is written by both me and my friend, who's ao3 username is rosyinnie!! we both are writing this simultaneously in a google doc, lol. this is a really silly au but i hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> also, ritsuko and misato are dating in this au, and yui left gendo for mari. i dont make the rules <3
> 
> 01 Direction is the band that NERV labels manages, and Big Kaworu Rush is what Seele labels manages. 
> 
> with all that out of the way, read this ridiculousness to your hearts content lol

The year is 2015, and Big Kaworu Rush is the most popular band in TOKYO-3. The hit band is currently singing on stage as they are broadcast on televisions all over Japan. Crowds surround every screen in sight, as Kaworu Nagisa, Yandere Dev, and the other Angels utterly rock out. 

However, on one smaller screen, on a fairly unpopulated street of Tokyo-3, another band is playing. 01 Direction.

\---

The local radio broadcast it’s message for all of Tokyo-3 to hear, _“Today, at 12:30, a state of special emergency has been declared all over Kanto and Chubu districts around the Tokai districts. Please go attend the [BATTLE OF THE BANDS] in the designated areas. For this event, all lines will be out of service. Again, please…”_ however, nobody was listening to the radio.

It was all about Big Kaworu Rush vs 01 Direction today.

  
  


\---

“Why, of all times, why have I missed him now?!” A purple haired woman exclaimed, driving down the roads of the Japanese city in a rush, “What am I going to do?” she continued. 

The young woman glanced at a small photo that was clipped to a stack of papers on her dashboard and sighed. “Shinji Ikari.”

\---

_“All normal lines are out of order due to the state of special emergency. We are sorry for your inconvenience, thank you for using Tokyo-3 phones!”_ a robotic voice chipped from the tinny speakers of a cell phone.

The boy holding it sighed, “Out of order… I shouldn't have come here after all. There’s not even any phone service here...” he wallowed, extremely upset that he was unable to even look at Tumblr over a _“Special State of Emergency”._

“I may not be able to meet her.” The brown haired boy noted to himself, “I guess I can't help it...” he turned his head absentmindedly, surprised to see what he did on the screen before him. 

Big Kaworu Rush and 01 Direction were currently in a battle of the bands, and he was utterly entranced. 

The lead singer of Big Kaworu Rush, Kaworu Nagisa, was currently singing his latest hit song, Angel Attack. It had been topping the charts for almost 3 weeks at this point, and didn’t seem like it was going to stop. 

He stared in awe, unable to imagine being in a band such as that. 

He also began to blush, because yoooo 😳 Kaworu doe.

\---

Meanwhile, NERV headquarters investigated the sudden appearance of a new band that was topping the charts. 

“An unidentified band started playing in Tokyo-3! They seem to have special effects similar to Big Kaworu Rush’s from fifteen years back. Don’t tell me…” 

“It’s been fifteen years since Big Kaworu Rush suddenly disappeared from the spotlight after their hit single, Second Impact. How did they suddenly appear again?”

“Not just that, but the two main singers, Adam and Lilith are nowhere to be found! Instead, their main singer is what appears to be a fifteen year old boy with white hair!” 

Gendo looked over at the screen. “Big Kaworu Rush has reunited once more…”

\---

01 Direction was trying their absolute hardest to keep up with the other band, but sadly, with only two members, it was hard to keep an audience looking your way. 

_“All stage effects launched!”_ A stage operator yelled behind the scenes, it could be heard faintly through the speakers of the display, seeing as NERV wasn’t really good enough to know how to edit that out. 

“W-woah!” The boy exclaimed, before suddenly being interrupted by the screeching tires of a blue car.

A woman with dark brown eyes opened the door, “Hey, Shinji, get in!” she said, “Sorry to have kept you waiting, I’m Misato Katsuragi.” Shinji climbed into the passenger seat with hesitation, not wanting to stop watching the Battle of the Bands. 

\---

  
  


“The band is still continuing their concert. All of TOKYO-3 is watching them,” one of the producers spoke, however this was not true, seeing as most displays were showing Big Kaworu Rush at this point.

“We can’t even get any of the crowd’s attention with special effects. At this point, 01 direction will be completely overshadowed by Big Kaworu Rush’s return!” 

“Use all of the special effects in our arsenal! Don’t hold back, we need to get the audience’s attention on 01 direction!” the executive yelled out.

Even the display of the expensive special effects that took over the entire stage had no effect on the crowd. They barely batted an eye toward 01 direction. 

“Why? Those special effects should’ve attracted the attention of at least some of the crowd!”

“The special effects didn’t work at all. Even the fireworks that we shot off had no effect…” the producer sighed.

“Useless! With the displays that Big Kaworu Rush are showing, we’ll get nowhere!”

“They’re using the AT field as expected,” Fuyutsuki said. “As I thought, our special effects pale in comparison to theirs.”

“As I thought, normal stage displays have no effect compared to Big Kaworu Rush’s visuals,” Gendo said.

“There’s no other way. We’ll just have to use our trump card,” one of the executives said before making a phone call. “Use the N2 bomb.”

“Yes sir. We’ll employ it as previously arranged,” the effects operator said on the other line of the phone. 

\---

In the distance, Misato could see clearly how badly 01 Direction was faring against Big Kaworu Rush. “Wait, don’t tell me…” Misato said, quickly putting on her field glasses. “They’re going to use the N2 bomb?! Shinji, look up!”

A loud boom was felt throughout the entire city, making the stage seem like it exploded. The audience even started cheering in excitement for 01 Direction. Big Kaworu Rush stopped for a second, impressed by 01 Direction’s display. 

Asuka and Rei looked at each other and nodded and started singing louder than before, taking their chance to grab the audience’s attention.

\---

“We did it!” The staff at NERV HQ triumphed after a successful effect, it had impressed even Big Kaworu Rush, and nobody was expecting it. 

“THERE’S A SHOCKWAVE COMING, AS WELL!” someone pointed out, examining the screen. Maybe 01 Direction could win after all…

\---

“Shinji, are you okay? I know that was your first time seeing such a big effect,” Misato said.

“Yes, but everything tastes like orange juice,” Shinji replied.

“That’s good! Are you ready?” Misato asked, looking at their overturned car that flipped over from the SHEER AWESOMENESS of the N2 bomb. Shinji nodded.

“Alright, Here goes!” Misato said before they both flipped over the car successfully. 

“Thanks a lot,” Misato said, grinning at Shinji. “You did a good job.”

“Miss Katsuragi…” Shinji said.

“Call me Misato.”

\---

“How is the target?” one of the producers yelled out, unhappy with 01 Direction’s performance so far. 

“It can't be captured due to radio wave obstruction...” the effect operators explained, working as hard as they could to make the band a success.

Another producer chimed in, “It was such a massive effect… but it has been brought to an end.” he said in a somber tone, unhappy to see it over with. 

“Sensors are working- Visuals regained- Oh!!” the operators were shocked, 01 Direction wasn’t beating Big Kaworu Rush at all! 

“It was our trump card... This is unbelievable…”

\---

While Misato was driving her now broken car, she made a phone call to NERV labels. “Sure. Don't worry. He is under my protection at top priority. Prepare a car train for us. A linear one, please. Yes. I'll bear the full responsibility for him because it was my idea to meet him in the first place. Bye.” 

_‘This is terrible… I just restored my car and now it’s broken again!’_ Misato thought. _‘33 loan payments to go, not to mention the repair costs… What’s even worse, my only good clothes are ruined!’_

“Misato?” Shinji said.

_‘I was in such a good mood earlier too… My goodness…’_ Misato thought.

“Misato…” Shinji said.

“Huh, what did you say?” Misato said, turning to shinji.

“Is it okay that you did such a thing…?” Shinji said, pointing to the car batteries she stole.

“Don’t worry, it’s totally okay! It’s an emergency after all. How else are we going to get the car to run?” Misato reassured Shinji. “Plus, I’m the talent manager under NERV labels even if I don’t look like it.”

“That doesn’t seem like a good excuse though,” Shinji said.

“Are you angry?” Misato said. “Listen Shinji, people steal all the time. In fact, NERV steals from the government by refusing to pay taxes! Don’t worry about it, alright?”

“NERV does what-” Shinji said before stopping when Misato makes a sharp turn. 

\---

Fuyutsuki sighed, “Big Kaworu rush is regenerating its audience at record speeds.” he grimaced, “As we expected.”

Gendo scoffed, “Of course, they wouldn’t be this popular otherwise.” he did his gendo-pose seriously.

Fuyutsuki looked at the display, “I’m impressed, they can amplify their own stage effects as well.” before turning back to Gendo. “Yes, Seele labels are very intelligent with stage effects...” he replied. 

“It’s only a matter of time until their next hit single…”

\---

_“The gate is closing. Attention, please. The train is about to depart. This train …”_ an announcement boomed over the speakers, Still unable to get the attention of anyone due to the event currently being held. 

Shinji looked at where they were. “NERV records...?” he questioned Misato, looking at her in confusion. 

The purple haired woman smiled and replied calmly, “Yep, it’s in charge of a bunch of popular bands! Like... uh…” she was unable to think of any popular bands that NERV was actually in charge of.

“Like the band my father used to belong to…” Shinji muttered under his breath, thinking back to memories he could barely remember. 

They continued walking within the NERV hq building as they talked, “Yeah, well, do you know what he does now?” Misato asked him slyly as they turned another corner.

“Is he, like… the boss or something?”

“You got it.”

\---

Gendo stood before the three executives in NERV headquarters. “You will be in charge of 01 Direction’s live performance now. We’ll watch how you deal with it,” one of the executives said.

“Yes, sir.”

“Thinking of our available special effects, I’ll have to admit they would have no impact with the crowd.”

“Are you confident you can outshine Big Kaworu Rush?”

“NERV is known as the best talent label. I am confident in my abilities,” Gendo said, doing his Gendo pose once more.

“We expect much from you,” the third executive said before mysteriously disappearing in the background. 

“The audience is still glued to Big Kaworu Rush’s performance. Only 2% of the audience is paying attention to 01 Direction. The chance of 01 Direction winning the Battle of the Bands is 7.5%.”

“Get guitar 01 out.”

“Guitar 01? We have no one who can play it though. Nobody in NERV is gay enough to play Yui’s old guitar!”

“No problem. We already found someone suitable enough to play it…” Gendo said, striking his Gendo pose once more. “Shinji Ikari.”

\---

Shinji and Misato were sitting silently in Misato's car, riding along the car train within the headquarters. “Are we going to where my father is?” the boy asked, staring out the window at nothing in particular. 

“Well, yes, we are.” Misato answered him simply, hearing shinji whisper something to himself. “By the way, were you given an ID by your father?” she broke up the awkward tension as best she could. 

“Oh, yes” Shinji said, “Here it is.” He handed the small ID to her, before being given something else. 

“Thanks, read this!” the brown eyed woman smiled at him, handing him a piece of paper. 

Shinji stared at it in confusion, “It's about my father's work... Is there something he wants me to do?” he pondered, “I can't say I'm surprised. He never writes to me... unless he wants me to do something for him.” the brown haired teenager continued to talk to himself as he skimmed over the paper in his hands.

Misato nodded along, half-listening to him, until a sudden change of scenery appeared. 

“Woah!! It's really Bruh-City!” he gasped, looking out the car’s window in excitement at the underground base. 

“That’s right! This is where a lot of the workers at NERV labels live, it’s like an entire town down here.” She explained to him, “It’s also where we do research on stage effects” Misato grinned, looking down at the city.

\---

“That’s strange. I’m sure this is the right way…” Misato said, looking at google maps on her phone. “Where is Ritsuko?”

“Misato, I think we already passed through the same place three times already,” Shinji said.

“I doubt that…” Misato said before stopping to think. “Actually, you’re probably right. Don’t worry, all systems are meant to be used!”

_“Announcement: Music producer Akagi Ritsuko at section 1 of the technical department, Akagi Ritsuko. Please pick up your lost child, Katsuragi Misato.”_

Ritsuko Akagi, one of the music producers of 01 Direction, was called in to find Misato. 

“I can’t believe she’s gotten lost again,” The woman groaned to herself, in disbelief that she has to rescue her about every other day in the place that they’ve both worked for some time now.

\---

Misato jumped, “Uhmm, hi- uh, hi Ritsuko...” she stuttered as Ritsuko entered the elevator they were standing in, smiling nervously at her girlfriend who had already had to find her 3 times in the past week. 

“We are short of hands and time, Manager Katsuragi!” Ritsuko huffed, still trying to maintain professionalism, “You can’t keep getting lost like this!” she exclaimed, kissing her girlfriend, now no longer trying to maintain professionalism. 

Misato grinned at her, “Sorry…”

“Umm.. hi...”

She gasped, upset at herself for forgetting that there was someone else in the elevator with them. “Oh! This is Shinji, he’s the third child.” 

Ritsuko nodded, “I see, nice to meet you.” shaking his hand. 

The brown eyed woman leaned over and whispered to the blonde, “He’s a lot like his dad… neither are all that loveable.” she smiled. 

Meanwhile while all of this was going on, Gendo was descending down a lift while elevator music was playing. To not waste any time while he was waiting for the lift to reach its destination, he started practicing his Gendo poses.

\---

“Red alert! I repeat, red alert, everyone!” A woman shouted in the distance, “Big Kaworu Rush’s audience approval rating keeps improving, 01 Direction is losing the battle!” she finished, her voice was in extreme panic. 

The bangers were just too strong.

Misato’s jaw dropped, “Did you hear what she just said?” she asked Ritsuko. 

“Yes, this is very serious...” the blonde haired woman replied as they stood on Bruh-City lift.

The purple haired woman continued talking, “How is guitar 01? She pondered, Shinji was standing behind them at the time, not really listening to anything they said. 

“It’s been equipped with a B-type stage effect, at the moment. We’re feeding all the gay energy we can find so we can get it to work,” She replied to her girlfriend seriously. 

“Does that really work? I heard there’s no one gay enough to play it,” Misato gasped. 

The blonde sighed, “The possibility of it working is 0.000000001%.” She said. Misato frowned, “So it won’t work?”

“The number isn’t zero, don’t be rude.” Ritsuko said, looking at Shinji. “I have a feeling it’ll work for him.”

Shinji thought back to when he saw Kaworu on Da Big Screen, his gay levels had been increased today...

\---

“Uhh… it’s.. It’s pitch dark in here… um…” Shinji talked loudly, trying to find his bearings as the large room he was in echoed back to him. 

Suddenly, the lights turned on in a flash. 

Gendo stood before him, holding something in his hands. It was his mother's old rock guitar. The guitar Yui used to play in the old 01 Direction.

Guitar 01.

Shinji screamed in surprise, having not seen his father in years, it was a bit startling to find him holding a rock guitar that once belonged to his estranged lesbian mother.

“It’s… a rock guitar…” He whispered to himself. 

Ritsuko nodded her head in agreement, “This is the guitar that used to belong to your mother, Yui Ikari.” She began to explain. “it can only be played by someone with Gay Levels over 60%.” 

The brown haired teenager looked at her in confusion, “Is this my father's work?” wondering what he really did, he had never heard that there’s such a thing as a gay-only guitar. 

“Yes.” Gendo said solemnly. “It’s been a long time.”

Shinji frowned, “Father…” he muttered to himself quietly. 

“Hey… are we going to have to use guitar 01?” Misato asked in a hurry, confused by the situation all of the sudden. 

Ritsuko turned to her and said, “We have no other choice.” 

“Well- Rei can’t use it! And we have nobody else!” Misato exclaimed, her voice beginning to raise. The blue haired girl had gotten injured from rocking out on the triangle in a vain attempt to defeat Big Kaworu Rush.

The blonde haired music producer answered her simply, “One has just been delivered.” she said.

The purple haired manager was dumbfounded. “Are you serious?”

“Shinji Ikari, you are going to play the rock guitar.” Ritsuko told him.

Misato flailed her arms to attempt to make a point of how confusing everything was to her, “But it took over seven months for Rei to learn the triangle!” She yelled. “How will Shinji learn the rock guitar now?!”

“Take a seat, Manager Katsuragi,” Ritsuko told her. “We’ll handle this.”

“But...” 

Ritsuko sighed, “Right now, we have no choice. Defeating Big Kaworu Rush in this Battle of the Bands has taken top priority.” she said, looking at the rock guitar with sadness in her eyes.

The purple haired woman agreed, “You may be right…” she said, her voice now much more quiet than before. 

Shinji interrupted suddenly, “Why did you call me?!” He asked his father. 

“For the exact reason you think. Your levels of gay.” Gendo replied, standing tall before him. 

“You… you want me to play the guitar!? Against that other band!?”

Gendo nodded. “Yes.”

Shinji started crying like the little waaaaaaa baby he is. “I thought you didn’t want me!!”

“I called you here because I need you for this now.” Gendo said, “Because others can’t play this.” he pushed his glasses up in typical Gendo-fashion.

The teenager looked down at his feet, “But I can’t play the rock guitar…” he cried. Waaa.

The NERV labels CEO looked at him seriously. “You either play the rock guitar, or you get out,” he said sternly. “Stop wasting time.”

The men guarding the room looked around nervously, glancing at the displays on their Apple Watches™ at 01 Direction being utterly defeated in the Battle of the Bands. 

Music could be heard in every last crevice of NERV hq, everyone's eyes were glued to the screens due to the absolute bops that Big Kaworu Rush was producing.

Ritsuko frowned, “We have no time, Shinji,” she began, “Big Kaworu Rush is going to win at this rate.” the blonde finished, looking at her Apple Watch™ for one last time.

“Get in the band, Shinji” Misato stated coldly, suddenly realizing the grave seriousness of the situation. 

“I can’t, I can't do that!” he cried, like the little crybaby he is. He went waaaaa.

Misato tapped her foot, “You mustn't run away!” she exclaimed. 

The brown haired teenager just kept on waaaaa-ing. “But i can’t play the gay rock guitar… I just can’t….”

“Fuyusuki, wake up Rei.” Said Gendo, striking his Gendo pose.

“Is she available?” Fuyutsuki asked, reminded of how badly hurt Rei was from rocking it out on the triangle. 

“She’s alive at the very least,” Gendo said.

“...Alright. I’ll go get Rei,” Fuyutsuki said.

“Our spare guitarist turned out to be useless,” Gendo said.

“Reconfigure the system of Guitar 01 for Rei! Restart!” Ritsuko commanded.

“Yes ma’am. I’ll stop the current process and restart it,” the tech guy at NERV labels said.

“I’m unnecessary as I expected…” Shinji said, once again being a crybaby. Suddenly, Rei was rolled in with someone pushing her hospital bed. Her arm was broken and wrapped in a cast after playing the triangle too energetically. 

The ground started shaking from the awesome sauce soundwaves coming from Big Kaworu Rush’s performance. Rei was vibing so hard to the music she almost fell out of the bed. “Watch out!” Shinji yelled and grabbed guitar 01.

Shinji suddenly started playing guitar 01, making Rei regain her balance and not fall off. He started shredding on the guitar even though he never played a guitar before in his life! How could this BE?

“Guitar 01 was able to be played?! What’s the matter with it?” 

“It’s impossible! Guitar 01 isn’t even plugged into the amp! It shouldn’t be able to make any sound!” Ritsuko said in disbelief.

“It played even though we haven’t tested the percentage of his gay levels… Shinji can do it!” Misato said.

Shinji stopped playing and ran over to Rei to check if she was okay from vibing so hard. He saw Rei was suffering intensely from bobbing her head up and down to hard. 

_Don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away…_ Shinji thought, fighting against his crybaby instincts.

“I’ll do it. I’ll play the gay rock guitar™,” Shinji said.

\---

The staff of NERV were chattering amongst themselves as they fitted the rock guitar strap to Shinji. He wasn’t able to wear the Band Costume™, there just wasn’t any time, but he could do the next best thing.

Which is a custom guitar strap. 

Shinji was rushed to the backstage, and he suddenly felt a wave of… orange juice? Crash over is subconscious. 

“Wh-what is this?” He asked, it felt strange and unnatural, like instead of drinking juice, BEING JUICE.

“Don’t worry, this is normal!” one of the NERV employees reassured him, “It’s called LCL, we don’t know what it is either.” he said.

“Ugh...I feel sick...” he replied, clearly kinning Asuka at the end of cult classic 1997 movie _The End Of Evangelion_.

Misato cheered him on semi-enthusiastically, “Go and rock it with that gay rock guitar, Shinji!” she yelled, before he was pushed on the stage in a rush. 

\---

  
  


Shinji overheard the NERV staff talk about a bunch of science stuff he didn’t understand while they were attaching the guitar to him. 

“Connect the mutual lines. The rate of synchronization is 60.5%,” Maya said. 

“Great! I knew Shinji’s gay levels would surprass 50%!” Ritsuko said.

The NERV staff continued talking about a bunch of science stuff Shinji couldn’t understand before he heard Misato say, “Shinji’s ready for the stage.”

The NERV staff started activating a bunch of buttons as Shinji rose from the underground platform and saw a huge crowd that spanned the entirety of TOKYO-3.

“The course is clear. All green,” the operator spoke.

“Shinji is ready to go up on the stage,” Ritsuko said.

“Of course. We have no future unless we beat Big Kaworu Rush in the charts,” Gendo said, trying to sound as mysterious as possible.

“Launch!” Misato yelled.

Shinji finally arises from the stage and for a moment, the audience’s eyes were all on him from his sudden appearance. Looking at everyone in the crowd nervously, he takes a deep breath and starts playing Guitar 01.

“Shinji… Please don’t disappoint us,” Misato said, nervously watching Shinji through the screen.

\---

On the stage of the Battle of the Bands, Kaworu Nagisa was currently playing his latest hit song, _“Bruh Sound Effect”_ , as he was a big fan of memes.

However, when he saw that NERV had sent out another band member for 01 Direction, he couldn’t help but recognize him. 

“Shinji Ikari.” He said, sort of, well, we’re not sure if he said or thought this. 

  
  


\---

PREVIEW:

01 Direction defeats Big Kaworu Rush in their battle of the bands, but this is only the beginning!!

Shinji runs away from his father. Misato's conceit

makes her decide to let Shinji live with her.

Next is 'Chapter TWO: the EPIC rock guitar!'

Of course, next time, service, service.

[END OF EPISODE 1]


	2. The EPIC rock guitar!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is discovered that choccy milk and cheese sticks make for a good dinner- and the gay rock guitar does something EPIC!

Shinji stood on the stage of the Battle of the Bands, filled with an emotion that can only be described as, “I’m using all my gay levels to play my moms old rock guitar.” to be put simply. 

“Are you ready, Shinji?” Asked misato through his earpiece, still nervous about this concert.

Shinji nodded, “Ah, yes.” he affirmed quietly. 

The purple haired woman yelled to the backstage NERV crew, “Remove the final safety lock! Guitar Unit One, begin stage effect!” it was time.

Misato chimed in again, “Shinji, think only about playing the rock guitar now.” she told him.

“Playing the rock guitar…” 

Just as he said that, he just did an AWESOME GUITAR RIFF. The crowd was in awe at his sheer abiitly to gay it up on that rock guitar.

Ritsuko gasped, “He’s playing it!” she exclaimed.

“Playing the rock guitar…”

However, just as he said that, he hit a totally non-awesomesauce note! Not cool, Shinji Ikari from cult classic 1995 anime Neon Genesis Evangelion. 

The crowd winced, everyone watching from home started to cry from sheer secondhand embarrassment. Shinji had fallen flat on his face. 

Meanwhile, Big Kaworu Rush was doing very well. So well in fact, that about 97% of the audience was now watching their performance. Including most members of 01 Direction.

“How is Guitar 01’s protection system?!” Asked Ritsuko, now more worried than ever for the outcome of this battle (of the bands). “The signal doesn’t work…” Said Maya, another one of the NERV staff.

“Field has not been developed!”

“It won't do?!”

None of this smart-talk really meant anything, as most intelligent humans can presume. 

While Shinji was desperately trying to keep up with the rest of 01 Direction, he could feel one of the strings on the guitar snap. “No…” Shinji said, looking in horror at the broken guitar string. “How am I supposed to continue playing?”

The crowd started whispering when they saw Shinji suddenly stop playing. Asuka and Rei tried to play their instruments louder to hide the fact Shinji’s epic guitar playing suddenly stopped.

“The guitar string snapped…” Maya said.

Suddenly, Misato saw someone in the crowd getting ready to throw a tomato at Shinji’s head. “Shinji, look out!” Misato yelled.

It was too late. The tomato hit Shinji right on his face, blinding his vision. “What’s happening?” he said, stumbling along the stage. He tripped over the cord to Asuka’s saxophone and did an EPIC face plant. Asuka stopped playing just to laugh at him and Rei, absolutely confused, started playing the triangle to ‘Never going to give you up’ by Rick Astley. 

Shinji’s epic face plant turned 01 Direction’s concert into an epic disaster.

“Shinji? Are you alright?” Misato yelled, her voice slowly getting farther and farther away. “Shinji!”

\---

Shinji looked up at the ceiling, he didn’t recognize it. “An unfamiliar ceiling…” he stated. Well, love him or hate him, he do be spitting facts doe.

\---

Meanwhile, SEELE all gathered around to start their gay conference. They were the colors of the rainbow because they were super gay. 

“The second coming of Big Kaworu Rush… It’s too abrupt,” Lorentz said.

“It's the same as fifteen years ago. They came out of nowhere when they suddenly shot up off the charts with their hit banger, ‘second impact’. Disaster always comes without warning.” the yellow SEELE member said.

“In another light, you might consider Big Kaworu Rush coming back as fortunate. After all, that means our investment in 01 Direction didn’t go to waste,” the red SEELE member said.

“Well, we don’t know what’ll happen for sure. If 01 direction doesn’t become successful, then this will all just turn out to be a waste of time and money.” the blue SEELE member said. (Yes, what color they are is important.)

“That's right. I trust that you’ll be able to handle this matter Gendo,” The yellow SEELE member said. Now the rainbow has been completed.

“The matters have been dealt with. Don’t worry,” Gendo said while striking his classic Gendo pose.

  
  


\---

Misato was flicking the TV channels back and forth back at NERV HQ, not really sure how to spend her time.

_“The Government announcement on the state of special emergency yesterday says this morning...”_ One of the channels said, _“In this incident...”,_ said another.

Misato, having witnessed all the awesomeness live, was frankly quite bored with these reports. 

It was quite flattering to have the government report on your band, though.

She fanned herself off, but the heat of the summer still couldn’t beat the heat of that epic Battle of the Bands. “All the facts have been hushed up again…” she groaned to herself. 

“Well, at least the PR team finally has something to do, huh?” Ritsuko commented snarkily, chuckling to herself. 

The brown eyed manager kept fanning herself, “They seem optimistic.” she said.

“Truth is… everyone is afraid.” The blonde woman replied.

“Duh, this is 01 Direction vs Big Kaworu rush!”

  
  


\---

“That's what it is.” said the head of Seele, Lorenz. Their meeting was still gay. Like, very gay. 

The green member spoke up, “But , that Ikari boy, NERV and guitar 01… you can use them in better ways, can't you?” Did you know that green on the LGBT pride flag stands for “nature”? This guy’s probably outdoorsy. Maybe. Let’s not make assumptions. I know nothing about pride flag symbolism. I just googled that.

“The costs of the repairs for Triangle 00 and Guitar 01 which you broke in the first Battle of the Bands this _month_ could put a country in debt.”

“I heard that you gave that gay rock guitar to your son...I wanted it...”

“Humans, Time and Money, way too much money, where is it going, Gendo?… How much will be spent by you and your son for your satisfaction?”

The Gayasses™ continued to talk, showing no signs of stopping their discussion any time soon. 

“Moreover, you have another job to do, don't you?”

A piece of paper was put on the large table, displaying an impact font meme of cheems with the caption; “WHEN THE INSTRUMENTALITY HIT”.

“The Band Instrumentality Project, this is what you must do at the top priority.” Stated the red member of Seele, taking this cheems meme super seriously. Lol gayass. 

The yellow member agreed with him, “That's right. That project is the only hope for 01 Direction under such hopeless circumstances, for us.” he said.

Lorenz spoke once again, “Anyway, although Big Kaworu Rush came again, it can't be allowed that the epic band project will be behind schedule. As for those budgets, we'll consider them...” he stated, completing the gay meeting.

“Well, the committee will take over now.”

“Mr. Ikari, thanks.”

“Ikari, you can't go back on this.”

“I understand.” Gendo agreed, “The band has no time.” however, he didn’t quite understand that “instrumentality” didn’t just mean adding more instruments to 01 Direction.

\---

Shinji got up from his hospital bed to look out of the hospital window dramatically. He felt so much shame, thinking about his EPIC FACE PLANT that he did during the concert. 

He saw Rei being moved through the hallway with a hospital bed. She had no expression on her face, almost like Shinji’s EPIC UH OH on stage never happened. Was she truly not phased by 01 direction’s epic mess up during the Battle of the Bands?

\---

While Misato and Ritsuko and Ritsuko were going back to the NERV labels™ truck, they started talking about Shinji’s EPIC failure on stage.

“Good thing there’s an air conditioner inside the truck. When the weather gets hot like this, I always think the air conditioner was the greatest invention man has ever made!” Misato said.

Ritsuko smiled at her girlfriend’s joke. “Shinji has yet to recover consciousness,” she said.

“How is he?” Misato asked.

He doesn’t have any external wounds, but it seems like his memories of what happened on stage are hazy.”

“That makes sense… The shock of playing those not so awesome notes on the guitar must’ve shocked him,” Misato said.

“Don’t worry, I heard Shinji will be alright.” Ritsuko reassured her girlfriend.

“Yeah… I’m sure he will.”

  
  


\---

Shinji sat in the waiting room at the hospital he was currently in, he stared at his arm, his hand. The one he used to play those epic rock guitar riffs, but also to hit those super NOT awesome sour notes.

A true duality.

\---

“If Guitar 01 and this city completely work, we'll be able to win.” Misato spoke happily to her awesomesauce NERV girlfriend, Ritsuko. 

The blonde acknowledged her, “ _Will_ you defeat the other band, Big Kaworu Rush? You really are so optimistic.”

They watched as NERV worked on it’s most-likely-illegal experiments, hoping that the FBI wasn’t over their shoulder. 

“Wishful thinking is a necessity for a human life.”

Ritsuko smiled at her, “Right. Your optimistic character is refreshing.” she said.

“See you.” Said the purple haired woman, going to pick up the little waaaaaa-baby from the hospital. You know the one.

\---

And that's exactly what happened, thankfully Misato wasn’t evil enough to leave him at the hospital. That would NOT be epic.

\---

They were waiting for an elevator at NERV, but when the door opened, someone was standing there. It was Gendo.

He was practicing his signature gendo poses, seemingly not noticing the two outside the door for upwards of 10 minutes, before Shinji started going WAAAAAAAAAAAAA and he was forcefully taken out of his gendo posing. 

But by that time, Gendo had already pressed the button to go up 50 floors, so he didn’t have to deal with him long.

\---

Shinji and Misato decided to go up the escalator instead after their run-in with Gendo. Besides, elevators are overrated anyways. They were just lame metal boxes that made people go up and down. Escalators were MUCH more cooler anyways.

Misato started thinking back to the conversation she overheard Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki having. 

“Is it okay if they don’t live together?” Ritsuko said.

“Well, for Ikari and his son, I guess it’s just more natural for them to separated from each other.”

“I guess if anything, it’s more unusual for them to start living together now…”

\---

Shinji watched as Misato and another man started discussing his living arrangements. He saw his resident’s card and the location where he was going to live in, which was ‘DISTRICT F, BRUH-CITY, TOKYO-3’.

“He’s going to live alone?” Misato asked.

“Yes, his room is going to be in Block 6 over there. Are there any problems?” The man said.

“No,” Shinji said. 

“Are you sure, Shinji?” Misato said.

“Don’t worry. I’m more used to being alone anyways,” Shinji said in his true edgy boy fashion.

\---

Misato was on the phone with her cool NERV girlfriend, Ritsuko, as Shinji stood in the distance, listening to Ke$ha with his Airpods in. (He had taken the suggestion from Rei, who had taken that suggestion from Asuka.)

“What?!” exclaimed Ritsuko through the purple haired woman's phone, surprised at what she had said just moments earlier, moments that I don’t think were in this episode originally.

The other replied calmly, “As I said now, I've decided to take charge of Shinji.” she said, I've got the superior's agreement. Don't worry. I won't have an affair with the child.” Misato laughed at her own joke. 

“That goes without saying! What the hell are you thinking about?!” The blonde yelled at her, what da heck misato!! Don’t joke about cheating on ur cool nerv gf!!

“Take a joke...” Cult classic animated movie 1997 movie the end of evangelion does not exist.

\---

As Misato was driving through a tunnel in her blue car, she looked over to Shinji. “Looks like we’re going to celebrate tonight,” Misato said.

“What do you mean?” Shinji asked.

“I’m talking about having a welcoming party for you!” Misato said, trying to pretend like the welcoming party wasn’t just an excuse for her to drink even more than normal.

\---

“Uhh- Misato? Are we buying anything other than cheese sticks and choccy milk?” The brown haired teen questioned his manager, as she was filling her basket at K-Mart with the height of yumminess. 

She waved him off, “No, no! Don’t worry! This is gonna be a really good meal!” she reassured. Shinji looked very concerned, and slipped some actual food in the basket as they continued to shop, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

She did not notice. 

However, she did notice that there was a lot of discussion about the recent Battle of the Bands in Tokyo-3.

_“Are you also going to move?”_

_“I never thought that this city would really become a band-battlefield...”_

“Well, good to know we’re popular.” Misato shrugged.

\---

After Misato and Shinji finished shopping, they went back in the car to drive to the top of the bruh hill. “Where are we going?” Shinji asked.

“We’re going to drop by somewhere along the way home. Don’t worry, it’s somewhere nice,” Misato said. 

When they finally reached the top of bruh hill, Misato and Shinji were able to see all of TOKYO-3.

“What a beautiful sight. All of that stolen government money funnelled into one city,” Misato said.

\---

“this is a lonesome city, isn't it?” Shinji commented.

"The time has come.”

_WEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE_ the alarm rang as the buildings of Tokyo-3 began to unfurl themselves. 

“WOAHHH-” The brown haired 60%+ gay energy rock guitar played exclaimed in surprise, “The buildings are growing!!” he said happily. 

“This is the Fortress City for Interception against Big Kaworu Rush... 'TOKYO-3' ...Our awesomesauce hometown…” Misato told him, “and the town which you protected with your rock guitar playing.” She smiled.

\---

After Misato and Shinji were finished looking at the view of TOKYO-3, they drove home.

“Shinji, I think your things have arrived here,” Misato called out while looking at the boxes at the entrance. 

“Is it okay if I come inside?” Shinji said nervously, looking at Misato’s door plate which said ‘Katsuragi’.

“Of course it is! This is your home now,” Misato said.

“Well then… I’m back,” Shinji said.

“Welcome home.”

\---

Misato led Shinji into the apartment, “The room is a little untidy… But don't you mind that!!” she said as they entered, the room was a mess. 

“Yeah...a _little_...” Shinji commented, looking around at the empty dorito bags on the floor, being used as carpeting. 

“Oh, and please, put the food in the refrigerator.” she told him before going off to do something. Who knows what.

He nodded. “Ah, okay.”

“Ice...”

“Chips…”

“And only beers… What kind of life does she lead?” The brown haired boy asked himself, very worried for his manager’s wellbeing despite the fact that he was the one who had recently joined 01 Direction.

Shinji attempted to bring it up with her, “Hey- Misato, the refrigerator over there...” but to no avail.

“Ah, it's OK. Maybe he’s sleeping right now...” She said nonchalantly, completely ignoring what Shinji was actually asking her about.

“Sleeping...?”

\---

“Anyways, it’s time to eat!” Misato said, taking out the instant food from the microwave. (its choccy milk and the cheese sticks)

“Thanks for the food,” Misato and Shinji said before digging into their ‘dinner’.

“Delicious! There’s no better combination than cheese sticks and chocolate milk,” Misato exclaimed before looking over at Shinji who was eyeing his ‘dinner’ nervously. “What’s wrong, Shinji? Why aren’t you eating your dinner? Cheese sticks and chocolate milk are more delicious than you think!”

“Well, I’m just not used to having only chocolate milk and cheese sticks for dinner,” Shinji said, being a waaa baby again.

“Don’t be fussy Shinji,” Misato sighed before taking a bite out of her cheese stick. “It’s either this or turkey and american cheese lunchables.”

“Well, I-” Shinji said, looking at the lunchables in the corner. They weren’t even the HAM LUNCHABLES. Misato bought the turkey ones. “I’ll eat the cheese stick and chocolate milk…”

“Good! Don’t you think it’s nice, sharing a meal together?” Misato said cheerfully.

“I guess…” Shinji said, looking at his cheese stick.

\---

While Shinji was taking a bath, Pen Pen suddenly waddled in. “What is that?!” Shinji yelled out, running out of the bath naked (funnie). 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mi… Mi… Misato!” Shinji screeched out. 

“What’s wrong?” Misato said, paying no mind to Shinji’s nakedness as she got another cup of 7UP. 

“What’s… What’s… What’s that?!” Shinji yelled and pointed to Pen Pen.

“Oh, that’s your roommate, Shinji! Meet Pen Pen. He’s a penguin who lives in hot springs,” Misato said. “By the way, you should probably put some clothes on.”

\---

Shinji sat in his epic bubble bath, filled with rage at the fact that he was going to be living with a penguin. Kinda Penguinphobic, Shinji :/. 

“Miss Misato Katsuragi… She isn't a bad person.” he whispered, thinking back to when she told him to take a bath. “In the bath, more unpleasant things come to my mind than others.”

He was, of course, referring to his hatred of all things penguin. 

He would have thought back to his cool guitar riffs, but that’s not in the script. 

\---

“How was Rei?” Ritsuko asked, thinking back to when Rei got injured from rocking it out on the triangle in the last chapter. “Did you visit her in the hospital this afternoon?”

“She’ll be able to move in twenty days. I’ll get the company to agree on letting Rei play the triangle again,” Gendo said.

“What a pain..” Ritsuko said.

“There’s no other person who’s gay enough to play the triangle. As long as Rei lives, she’ll keep playing it.”

“Who cares if Rei thinks otherwise, am I right…” Ritsuko muttered under her breath.

\---

Misato was currently taking a bath (what the heck boobs in my mouth boobs in my mouth) as she talked on the phone with her epic girlfriend, Ritsuko. Which doesn’t seem all that safe, but… okay.

“Taking care of him is your job, isn't it?” Ritsuko asked her.

The other replied halfheartedly, “I'm scared, I don't know how to get along with him.” trying not to drop her phone in the process. 

The blonde chuckled slightly, “Complaining already? You declared so theatrically that you would take charge of him, didn't you?” she added. 

“Oh, shut up...” Misato hung up the phone randomly, swearing to herself she’d apologize later. 

“I guess I regarded him as my tool. I'm the same as Ritsuko.” She sighed. “Even though we defeated Big Kaworu Rush… I don't seem happy.”

\---

Shinji laid on his bed, listening to his ‘emotional sad playlist’ on his phone. He stared up at the ceiling as Carmelldansen started blasting in his ears. 

“Another unfamiliar ceiling again… Well, it makes sense. I don’t know any place in this city,” Shinji said, channeling his inner angsty boy.

Shinji thought back to what Misato told him when he first entered her house. _‘This is your home now.’_

“Why am I here?”

\---

01 Direction was on the brink of losing the Battle of the Bands. Rei and Asuka were barely able to continue playing, and it looked like Shinji wouldn't be able to play either. 

“Guitar strings damaged! Damages unidentified!” a NERV operator shouted, looking at the monitors.

Another chimed in. “Trouble with keeping activities!”

“How are the conditions?” Misato asked, sweating nervously awaiting the outcome of this Battle of the Bands.. 

“Synchrograph has reversed. Pulses are flowing backward!” Maya answered her.

Misato understood two out of the seven words she said, but that’s okay.

“Cut the cords! Stop them!” Ritsuko yelled, trying to preserve 01 Directions' already incredibly damaged reputation. 

“No way. The signal is refused. It can't be received!”

“No responses from the monitoring system. Playable or Unplayable unidentified!”

“Guitar 01 is totally silent...” More like Shinji wasn’t playing it anymore, but okay.

Big Kaworu Rush was now playing their newest hit single, _“[MMD] PONPONPON - Kaworu Nagisa 2013 youtube video”_. All hope was seemingly lost for NERV labels. The audience was losing their MINDS. 

The purple haired manager sighed deeply, sad about the fact she was going to be totally not awesomesauce.

“Misato!” Exclaimed ritsuko, shocked by her demeanor. 

“So much for this time… Stop the band.” She commanded. “Shinji's protection is the top priority. Bring him back by force!” But why doe? He’s kind of a waaaa baby.

“Impossible. It is totally out of control.” Maya stated.

“What!?”

Guitar 01’s strings somehow had molded back together. Through the sheer EPIC force of gay? Most likely. 

“Guitar restarted!”

“No! It can't be played!” 

The brown eyed manager gulped. “It can't be...” 

“Berserk mode.” Finished Ritsuko.

Suddenly, the awesome rock guitar was playing all on it’s own- without Shinji’s help! The song, of course, was fingers in his ass mmd video. 

“We’ll win.” Fuyutsuki stated, finally believing in NERV labels even though their only good song in the past 20 years has been the titular _“MMD - Sans Undertale x Nagito Komaeda (fingers in his ass)”_

“We…”

Misato frowned, “We can't. As long as Big Kaworu Rush has an AT field,” The AT fields were actually just super fancy special effects that NERV has been trying to copy for over a decade, but just can’t quite get right.

“01 Direction can’t beat Big Kaworu Rush.” Ritsuko said solemnly. 

“The guitar strings on Guitar 01 have been fully restored!” Shigeru yelled.

“Great!” Misato said.

“Guitar 01 is starting to draw the crowd’s attention! It’s going to create a big EPIC explosion!” 

“Don’t tell me…” Misato said, before a big BOOM went off on the stage, making 01 Direction look AWESOME SAUCE. “How is Guitar 01…”

Somehow, the big explosion was able to gather the entire crowd’s attention on 01 Direction. Guitar 01 turned into a GIANT ROBOT!!!!

“So this is guitar 01’s true form…” Ritsuko said.

Suddenly, the entirety of TOKYO-3 fell into a blackout because of Guitar 01’s AWESOME ENERGY CONSUMING ABILITIES. 

“The system has been recovered. The graph is in the normal position,” Maya said.

“01 Direction’s approval rating went up by 20%!” Makoto said.

“Hurry up and get Shinji off stage!” Ritsuko yelled. 

“Shinji’s protection is the top priority,” Misato said.

Guitar 01 transformed back into a regular old guitar. After seeing Guitar 01’s sheer awesomeness, Shinji didn’t know what else to do but go WAAAAAAAA.

\---

“Shinji, can I come in?” Misato asked quietly, peering into Shinji’s room, “You did a praiseworthy thing. You may keep your head high.” It took all of her self control not to laugh at his Five Nights at Freddy's poster. 

“Good night, Shinji. Cheer up.” she told him, before going to heat up some choccy milk for herself.

[PREVIEW]

_Shinji, who has started a new life obediently to the situations, can’t make new friends. But now he’s in 01 Direction, so he’s popular! The next is Chapter three: a MUSICAL transfer! Next time, of course, there will be more fanservice! *eva preview sfx lol*_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spicycrab A/N: microwaved choccy milk and cheese stick dinner supremacy!! mmmmm… anyways. on a serious note: this fic is so much fun to write! i love being able to make as many dumb jokes as i want, lol. tysm for reading!!! Ponpon way way way Ponpon way pon way ponpon Way way ponponpon Way way pon way pon way way- okay, cringe-master out!
> 
> Rosyinnie A/N: I can’t believe Misato would actually buy turkey and american cheese lunchables. Doesn’t she know those are the WORST kind of lunchables? Seriously, ham lunchables are the SAME price. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, I tried to squeeze in as many jokes as I can. Evangelion seriously has way too many pseudo science talk...


	3. A MUSICAL transfer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji begins to fall down the Kaworu Nagisa x reader rabbithole, sings Tik Tok by Ke$ha- i mean 01 direction, and even has a homie duet with kaworu! (flushed emoji)

Shinji was on the test stage, practicing for 01 Directions' next concert. Ritsuko, Misato’s girlfriend, was currently helping him practice the songs, as she was the one who wrote most of them.

The blonde sat a good 20 feet away, speaking to the brown haired teenager over a megaphone, “Good morning, Shinji.” She greeted, “How are you?” she asked.

The brunet sighed, exhausted from the restless practice, “I've got used to it… I think I have nothing wrong.” he said, kinning his inner dead inside emo boy.

The woman in the empty NERV auditorium nodded, “That's fine.” She said. “Appearance positions, an emergency power source, locations of other bands. Do you keep all of them in your mind?” 

What does half of that even mean?

“Maybe… yeah...” He tried, not really knowing what else to say at this point.

"Well, I'll review the lesson again. Guitar 01 usually works with a gay power supply from your soul. If Guitar 01 uses the internal battery in an emergency, it can work only for one minute with its full strength or for five minutes at most even with gain." Ritsuko said.

“Yes.” Shinji said with idiocy. 

Ritsuko continued speaking, not even hearing the possible-femboy’s statement, “Now, let's resume the lesson of “Tik Tok” where we left off yesterday.” she told him.

A large screen displaying the lyrics of Tik Tok by Ke$- I mean, Shinji Ikari, came down from the ceiling.

“Try to sing the lyrics displayed on screen, okay?” The song writer said. “…switch on!”

Shinji began to sing his next hit single, which is totally not by ke$ha, “Tik tok on the clock, but the party don't stop no...” He wasn’t very good. “Woah oh oh oh, woah oh oh oh!”

Many AWESOMELY gay rock guitar riffs later, he had completed the song. Ritsuko didn’t even clap- guess Shinji was gonna have to lipsync.

“Next song!”

\---

Ritsuko and Maya were watching Shinji through the studio window, cringing at Shinji’s not so awesome singing skills. Shinji continues to play guitar 01 over and over again while horribly lip syncing to Tik Tok by Ke$- I mean Shinji Ikari.

“I wonder why Shinji decided to play Guitar 01 again…” Maya said, looking at embarrassment as Shinji’s mouth barely lined up with the words of the song.

“It’s probably because he just listens to whatever instructions someone tells him to do. After all, that’s just how he lives his life,” Ritsuko said.

Meanwhile, Shinji was repeating the lyrics he had to memorize as if he was under a spell. A spell that made you sing Tik Tok by Ke$ha. “Don’t stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up…” Shinji said. “Tonight, Imma fight til I see the sunlight. Tik Tok on the clock but the party never stops, no-”

\---

After finishing his not so epic karaoke session with NERV, Shinji went back home with Misato.

“Welp… another day, another e-boy moment…” Shinji yawned as he got out of bed, he turned on the TV to see that Big Kaworu Rush was playing later. 

He briefly considered going to the concert, before remembering that that would be considered treason… not that NERV hadn’t already committed it.

The brown haired teen went through his morning routine, (listen to Caramelldansen, eat, repeat.) before going to wake up his manager. He knocked on the door as quietly as he could.

“Misato, it's morning-”

A voice was heard from the other side of the wall, “I was on night duty ALL NIGHT you little bitch. Bet you don’t know what it’s like to be a manager huh!? HUH!?” She screamed at the top of her lungs.  
  
“All you gotta do is go WAAAAA and sing tik tok by Ke$ha!!” The purple haired woman yelled at him, “So, please let me sleep!” she shoved a pillow over her head in pure unfiltered rage.

Shinji frowned and said, “Kk.” he was sort of used to being called a WAAAA baby at this point.

With a sudden change of tone, Misato asked him the fateful question. “Is today Thursday?”

“Yeah-”

“Throw out the Wednesdays, please.” She said plainly.

“Yes, of course.” Shinji affirmed, I mean, Wednesdays are like… the worst man. They’re all being replaced by Thursdays in 2021, look it up.

The NERV employee continued to talk to him, despite the fact that she had just told him to let her sleep, “Have you got used to the school? Any Wednesdays there?” she asked.

He nodded sadly. “Yes.”

“Throw those out too… Asuka’ll get mad…”

”Itterasshai, kawaii desu ne.” Misato and Shinji had been taking Japanese lessons, despite the fact they lived in TOKYO-3, to get closer. 

Not really knowing what to say, Shinji just spoke weeb-anese back to her. “Ittekimasu-chan-senpai.”

\---

The brown haired teen took out the Wednesdays, and threw them in the dumpster as they belonged, before glancing at an ad on a nearby flat screen that was sitting around for some reason.

_“SUPPORT BIG KAWORU RUSH FOR A FREE THURSDAY, SIGNED BY KAWORU HIMSELF!”_ it said. Shinji sighed sadly.

“Why did I have to be in 01 Direction...”

\---

After Shinji left, Misato is now sitting in her room that she refuses to clean (or maybe she has no idea what cleaning is in the first place) when she suddenly gets a phone call from her certified gf.

“Ritsuko? What did you call me for?” Misato said, secretly glad Ritsuko decided to call her.

“How are you? Is everything going alright with Shinji?” her girlfriend asked.

“Is Shinji the only reason you called me?” Misato sighed, feeling a little disappointed. “Well, Shinji is like how he always is. It’s been three weeks since he transferred to a new school and he still doesn’t get any phone calls.”

“Well… I also called you to say I love you,” Ritsuko said before suddenly hanging up. Misato had a huge grin on her face from what she said.

“Looks like even Ritsuko can be romantic after all.”

\---

The recent 01 Direction recruit was now walking to school alone, like the loser he was. He stared at his Big Kaworu Rush lockscreen with the words “I HATE YOU DAD” photoshopped on top of it. 

Misato was on the phone with her Girlfriend again, eager to spill the tea (not beans, she’s not het) on Shinji’s loser life.

“Yeah- and- he has a Big Kaworu Rush LOCKSCREEN- he doesn’t even wanna be in the band!” She giggled while bullying him. “He doesn’t even have friends at school...and there’s Wednesdays there.”

Ritsuko chuckled, “Wednesdays, huh?” she asked.

“I know! They’re called THURSDAYS!” The purple haired woman explained.

The blonde leaned back in her chair on the phone, “Have you ever heard about the Hedgehog’s dilemma? Lot’s of emo losers have it.”

“Hedgehogs? You mean the thorny ones?” Misato said. “They do sound like something for losers…haha sonic...”

\---

Shinji, now inadvertently kinning sonic, walked in the classroom of his new school. He’d transferred a few days ago, but it seemed that being in the least popular band in TOKYO-3 doesn’t help much in popularity. 

He looked to his side, only to see an annoying boy in glasses putting together his Hatsune Miku figure and recording it with his video camera from the crisp year of 1995. “What a loser…” he murmured, as if he wasn’t the biggest loser on earth. 

Settling into his seat, he took out his phone to listen to the latest Big Kaworu Rush hit, “ _PONPONPON MMD VIDEO_ ” on his Big Kaworu Themed headphones in his Big Kaworu Rush t-shirt, while live tweeting the song on his Big Kaworu Rush stan account.

Rei ayanami, another member of 01 Direction in their class, grimaced in embarrassment. Why does her technical-son have to betray her technical-husband-but-that’d-be-weird-she’s-14 like this?

Back to the pseudo-loser at the desk, he was now talking to Hikari Hokari, a girl who’s name is somehow real.

“No- Class rep- listen- Triple Baka is NOT mid!! I’m telling you!” he pleaded, hoping she’d eventually agree with his vocaloid opinions. “It’s at least A tier, cmon!” 

The girl sighed, “Kensuke, this is the last time I'll ask you, did you give Toji his homework yesterday??” she questioned. “And triple baka IS mid, y’all.” she said in country-fashion.

“IT’S NOT FUCKING MID HIKARI!” Kensuke cried with passion, “and no sorry” he said. 

Hikari rolled her eyes, “Why?” it was in a country accent, but that’s pretty hard to type. 

“Nobody was home, I did hear the Hunter x Hunter opening playing from the TV inside, though…” he explained.

The brown haired girl gasped, “He has mid taste?” she was mortified. “Why aren’t you worried about him, Kensuke? Isn’t he your friend, too?” she cried. “And I hear he was at a Big Kaworu Rush concert…” 

“ _What the hell did you just say?_ ” Toji was personally offended so much that he manifested out of thin air.

“Toji!” They said in unison, surprised to see someone teleport for the first time since 1697. 

Toji looked around, surprised to see so few people in the classroom, even more surprised that one of them was a Big Kaworu Rush stan. _“Taste.”_ he noted, before turning to his friends with mid taste. “Where is everyone?” 

The miku-themed glasses wearing loser turned to him, “Everyone is camping out at SEELE Labels so they can see Kaworu Nagisa!” somewhere in the distance, Shinji kinned the flushed emoji for 0.3 seconds. “There’s a real Battle of the Bands going on in this city…” and they’ve lost Shinji’s interest.

“You’re the only one happy to see a real battle…” he lied. This was not true. Everyone enjoyed this.

Kensuke nervously laughed, how could someone lie that badly? “I sure am ahaha..ahaha…” he couldn’t take these lies. “So- uh, where have you been?” he asked, trying to break the ice.

“My 7 year old sister, she was hired by NERV labels to be a song writer for 01 Direction…” Oh boy, infodumping. Fun. “She was fired after 2 weeks because of the lack of BUMPIN HITS...”

The others tried to get him to stop infodumping. It was to no avail. 

“My father and grandfather work for McDonalds! They can't desert their posts now… If I were not with her, she’d be left alone. And I hate that stupid new member of 01 Direction! What was he doing?!” Toji ranted with rage, angry at the existence of NERV Labels. 

Kensuke, now aware of his friend’s hatred for NERV Labels, decided that it would be a good time to ruin Shinji’s day. “Have you heard the rumour about that new transfer student?” 

“Transfer student? The Big Kaworu Rush stan over there?” he asked, looking at Shinji, who was still listening to PonPonPon Mmd Video. Loser. 

“Yeah, he transferred right after that new member of 01 Direction joined, I think it’s him.” Kensuke responded. Hikari was listening to country music on her 2003 era iPod, so she had left the conversation. 

Before Toji was able to kill Shinji out of pure rage towards anything 01 Direction, their teacher walked in. Tojiphobic. Although, who wouldn’t be? 

Everyone sat in their seats, taking notes on their laptops, which looked like they were made in the dark ages. Shinji was just scrolling through his aesthetic Tumblr blog on his phone, nobody really cared about school in TOKYO-3 anymore, ever since the Battle of the Bands that is. 

The teacher started talking about the tragedy of the second impact, that is, when 01 Direction split up for the first time. 

“01 Direction accidentally stealing the krabby patty formula from krusty krab accidentally caused a massive meteorite that crashed into Antarctica and threatened the entire existence of mankind…” 

Shinji ignored what the teacher was saying and instead started secretly browsing on the school computer Kaworu x reader fanfiction that he ‘accidentally’ found. He didn’t use incognito mode because he was a dumbass, so the school administration was enjoying along with him the Fairy!Kaworu x reader fanfiction he was currently reading.

Suddenly, he got an email from his school computer. It read, ‘Is it true you’ve performed alongside Kaworu Nagisa from Big Kaworu Rush as a member of 01 Direction? Yes/No’.

“Then the world almost ended when 01 Direction sang to Baby by Justin Bieber, causing what we call the second band impact…”

Shinji grinned to himself, now realizing he DID perform alongside Kaworu Nagisa during the battle of the bands. In fact, he even LOOKED his way while he was rocking it out on Guitar 01. He suddenly got the idea to create his OWN Kaworu x Reader fanfiction. Who knows, it might even blow up someday. ‘Yes’, he happily replied back.

“Fifteen years after that, 01 Direction has finally reunited together again. I’d even say that their reunion the music industry will be revived once more-”

Suddenly, someone yelled out to Shinji, “YOU’VE MET THE KAWORU NAGISA IN PERSON?” After hearing the news, all the kids in the class started to swarm Shinji. 

The teacher didn’t notice what was going on and kept rambling about 01 Direction. Since it wasn’t Big Kaworu Rush, nobody cared. 

“LISTEN, Y’ALL!” Hikari said and slammed her desk loudly to prove her point. “We’re still in CLASS! Y’all need to ROUND up yourselves and LASSO yourselves back into your seats BEFORE I GET REALLY MAD!”

Rei paid no attention to the noise everyone was making and instead started kinning shadow the hedgehog by mysteriously looking out the window while listening to Megalovania by Sans undertale.

“How did you meet Kaworu?”  
  


“Does Kaworu look as epic as he is on camera?”

“Are Yandere Dev’s vocals as EPIC as they are on video?”

“I have to keep this information a secret,” Shinji said when in fact he didn’t. Shinji was able to answer all of their questions but he wanted to pretend like he was a famous person and ‘keep things confidential’.

“What instrument does Kaworu play?”

“Do you think you’ll be able to sing alongside Kaworu?”

“One question at a time please,” Shinji said, kinning his inner famous voice actor at comic con.

“You’re so amazing, Shinji! I can’t believe you actually met all the members of Big Kaworu Rush! You’re like the pride of our school!”

While Shinji was answering questions about Big Kaworu Rush and enjoying his current fame, the bell for when the lesson ends starts to chime. All of Shinji’s classmates leave the class instantly so they can quickly go watch the BATTLE OF THE BANDS happening today. 

“COME ON Y’ALL! YOU GUYS CAN STILL BOW WHEN THE LESSON ENDS!” Hikari yelled out. 

\---

Meanwhile, Shinji was getting beat up by Toji behind the school building because why wouldn’t he be. While Toji absolutely WRECKS him by kicking him rapidly, Shinji is curled up in a ball and crying.

“Sorry transferee, I just had to hit you. I’ll never be satisfied unless I beat up a 01 directionee on sight,” Toji said.

“Sorry about that. Toji’s younger sister got fired from NERV because the songs she produced weren’t bumping enough,” Kensuke said while blasting Suki Kirai on his phone.

“I didn’t join 01 Direction by choice though! I’d rather be in Big Kaworu Rush with the super epic singer Nagisa Kaworu-” Shinji said before getting whacked again.

“There’s an emergency call for the battle of the bands,” Rei said, pretending like she’s not watching Shinji get THRASHED by Toji. “I’ll leave first…”

\---

WEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEOOOOOOWEEEEEOOOOO the siren for the battle of the bands went. 

“ _Now, a state of special emergency has been declared all over Kanto and Chubu districts around Tokai district._ _Please go attend the [BATTLE OF THE BANDS] in the designated areas so you can watch the EPIC SHOWDOWN between Big Kaworu Rush and the other band’s name, uh… Uh… One Direction? Wait, I have been informed the band’s name is 01 Direction. Repeat, today…”_

Big Kaworu rush decided to put on an EVEN BIGGER SHOW than last time by arriving onstage from UNDERWATER.

\---

“Big Kaworu Rush has invaded the stage via territorial waters.” Said a NERV employee in a rush, surprised by the sudden news. 

“All hands to Battle of the Bands stations!”

A woman sitting at the PR table commanded the others. “Contact the members of 01 direction!”

Misato sighed heavily, Shinji had probably just gotten out of school, and now she’d have to drag him all the way to NERV. 

Leaving the building as quickly as she could, the purple haired manager found her way back to their apartment. “Arigato, desu ne baka!” She tried to speak weeb-anese again, but it seems that Shinji had not heard her. 

Opening the door to Shinji’s room, she angrily rushed out her words, “Shinji you have to get on stage for-!”

“MISATO GO AWAY! I’M READING KAWORU NAGISA X READER AND I LITERALLY _JUST_ GOT TO THE PART WHERE WE KISS!!” The boy screamed at her, only briefly looking away from the screen of his laptop. “I’M BUSY!!”

Misato wanted to scream for 5 different reasons at the same time, “SHINJI!” she yelled. “This is your duty, to be in 01 Direction! How could you betray us by reading Kaworu x Reader?!?” 

“You just don’t UNDERSTAND me…” he responded, kinning his inner emo boy. “HISS BARK BARK GRRR HISSSS!!” oh god, he was roleplaying now, too? 

The woman was now about to tear her own hair out, “Shinji, you’re cringe.” she said. 

Shinji broke down crying, tears staining his Big Kaworu Rush t-shirt as he was told that he was cringe. He left a comment on the fic he was reading under his awesome username, kaworus_boyfriend_personal_account, before being dragged out of the home by his manager who he #wantyoudied-ed. 

Meanwhile, at NERV Labels, everything was happening as you might expect. 

“TOKYO-3 is transforming to the battle of the bands formation.” said a man who was man-ning the stage effects. Haha. funnie. 

Another person chimed in, “Go all out!” she said.

The buildings began to shrink into the ground, with an AWESOMESAUCE stage constructing itself in the middle of the city. 

“Preparing all effects!“

The stage was ready for the latest Battle of the Bands, and as gay as ever. 

Misato had finally managed to return to the NERV Labels HQ, with Shinji, who was still about not being able to finish reading the Kaworu Nagisa x Reader fic, “What is the status of the civilians?” she asked in a huff.

“Everyone’s in the crowd!” Although, this was obviously for Big Kaworu Rush, the superior band. 

\---

Speaking of the crowd, everyone in TOKYO-3 was currently crowded around the currently empty stage. 

_“Primary and junior high school students, please stay together in the class. Residents, please stay together in the Block.”_ The speakers boomed, whatever that meant.

The large display behind the stage showed large pictures of both of the bands, except Shinji wasn’t on the picture for 01 Direction.

Kensuke pointed his 1995 video camera at the stage in excitement, “I gotta film this… even though it’s not Miku.” he frowned slightly.

“I guess Shinji’s not in 01 Direction?” Toji commented, looking at the screen. “I guess he lied…”

The miku fanboy scoffed, “That's a news blackout.” He said. “They won't show us civilians anything at all, even though this is such a big deal...”

\---

NERV headquarters were watching Big Kaworu Rush dancing on their big screens™, dancing to their hit song, Nagito Komaeda feat. Nagisa Kaworu — Womanizer [MMD]. NERV headquarters were whooping and cheering for Big Kaworu Rush until they unfortunately realized they were in charge of 01 direction and went back to work.

“Since CEO Ikari is absent, Big Kaworu Rush already had two comebacks within three weeks. How are they putting out hits this fast?” Misato said, watching Big Kaworu Rush perform their number one song on stage.

“Their comebacks used to come out every fifteen years. Now they’re making new songs every three weeks,” Makoto said, hiding his phone which was secretly playing Big Kaworu Rush’s new single, PONPONPON MMD VIDEO.

\---

01 Direction dramatically appeared on stage while a bunch of ads with 01 Direction in them started playing all over the city. Unfortunately this did little to make the crowd watch them as they were currently enamored by Big Kaworu Rush dancing to Nagito Komaeda feat. Nagisa Kaworu — Womanizer [MMD] while shooting off rainbows in the sky. 

\---

“They are wasting taxes…that we didn’t pay, but, still...” Fuyutsuki grumbled as he saw the 01 Direction ads being played on TV, in a fruitless effort to promote the band.

A NERV employee sighed, “We’re going to be on stage soon, sir…” he tried to help. It didn’t help.

Misato tapped her foot on the ground, “We need to be on stage _now._ ” she commanded. 

  
  


\---

Backstage, Maya was fitting the EPIC gay rock guitar to Shinji, and helping him put on his new Plugsuit, which were basically just glorified costumes.

“Inject LCL. Release Arrival/Departure LocK.” What does that even mean? Who knows! But it sure is fancy sounding!

“I hate you dad…#wantyoudied” Shinji muttered. 

Shinji looked down at his ugly outfit, “At least Kaworu will be on stage, though.” he said, thinking back to the x readers’ he was reading less than an hour ago.

\---

“Hey, I need to talk to you for a second…” Kensuke said, looking at Toji.

“Is this about making me stan Hatsune Miku, because for the love of god Kensuke, I will forever be a Hatsune Miku anti because all of Luka’s songs are-” Toji said, beginning his rant.

“No, this is about something else. Class Rep, we’re heading to the bathroom!” Kensuke said.

“Why are y’all telling me this? Just go already!” Hikari said.

“So, what were you going to tell me?” Toji said.

“I got two tickets which will let us be able to watch Big Kaworu Rush and 01 Direction in the first row. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me as my date… No homo,” Kensuke said.

“Bro, you know I’m a huge fan of Big Kaworu Rush, but this isn’t like an actual date… Right?” Toji said. “No homo.”

“Only if you want it to be,” Kensuke said. “No homo.”

“Well then, I’ll go on a bro date with you. You might have mid taste and you unironically like Hatsune Miku, but you’re a pretty cool guy.” Toji said, accepting Kensuke’s bro confession. “No homo.”

Now isn’t this nice? Just two bros professing their homie love for each other in the bathroom.

“If you want, we can also try to sneak backstage. Go big or go home, am I right?” Kensuke said.

“Dude… That’s an AWESOME idea,” Toji said.

\---

“Shinji, are you ready?” Misato asked him, although this was a rhetorical question, seeing as he was going on stage no matter what he said. 

He nodded, “Yes.” but what he really meant was _“please let me go home and read reader x royalty!Kaworu”._

“Launch!” Ritsuko commanded.

01 Direction stepped out on the stage in TOKYO-3. The crowd boo-d them, but at least there was a fancy spotlight on them! 

Shinji glanced over to the stage opposite to them, where Big Kaworu Rush was currently standing. Shinji’s gay rock guitar levels skyrocketed! 

  
  


\---

Kensuke and Toji in the crowd for the concert gasped, “It really is Shinji!” they said in unison, somehow surprised. Hikari was with them as well, but a bit more concerned with her celebrity crush, Yandere Dev, who was a member of Big Kaworu Rush. 

01 Direction began to play the instrumentals of their latest awful hit song that was Totally Not Stolen From Ke$ha, Tik Tok. 

“Amazing! This is so worth the wait. Wow, this is what I've been waiting for!” Kensuke said, now kinning a 01 Directionee for some reason. And also kinning some really stilted translations. 

Shinji began to sing the lyrics, well, he was lip syncing due to his awful singing skills. 

“Wake up in the m-mornin’ feelin’ like p-diddy,” somehow, even though he wasn’t even singing, Shinji managed to stutter the lyrics as he played his EPIC gay rock guitar.

Misato spoke to him through his headset, “Make sure to que the stage effects manager when to use the AT-field when you feel like the time is right. According to the plan. OK?”

The brown haired teen nodded in agreement, before focusing once again on his awful musical skills. 

“TIK TOK ON THE CLOCK BUT THE PARTY DON’T STOP NO-” Shinji pretended to sing, and gave the que to launch a stage effect, however, not the A.T. Field one! God he’s so stupid.

Misato chimed in again, “Idiot! The special effect you used made it so that your entire stage is covered in smoke!” she yelled at him.

Suddenly, Big Kaworu Rush launched an enormous, and frankly EPIC effect that drew the entire crowd's attention! Kaworu was singing Womanizer, and it was, not going to lie- awesomesauce.

“Welp, 01 Direction’s been beaten.” Toji commented, munching on the overpriced popcorn his not-boyfriend bought for him. 

Kensuke shrugged. “They’ll be alright.”

The purple haired woman backstage was now on the verge of losing it, “I'll give you a reserve ‘rifle’. Take it!” she screamed at Shinji on his headset. The reserve ‘rifle’ was actually just a gun that shot rainbows, it had been, well, borrowed without permission from Big Kaworu Rush, but that is neither here nor there! At least it raises gay energy levels, man! 

The rainbow-shot was fired from the shadows of the stage, however it wasn’t enough to grab the attention of TOKYO-3’s concert-goers.

Shinji was literally shaking and crying as he continued to lip sync Tik Tok. _“God, I want to write my Kaworu x Shinji!reader fic right now SO bad…”_ He thought, going WAAAAAAAA in his own mind.

Misato was extremely worried, as she knew that shaking and crying wasn’t exactly cool looking. “Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun-chan-sama…” She was now reverting into weeb speak out of fear, this was bad.

Suddenly, Big Kaworu Rush launches such an awesome effect that it cuts the power cables for Guitar 01!

Now on battery mode, the backstage monitors displayed that Guitar 01 only had 5 more minutes of operation time! WOOOO for shitty batteries! Are they using like cheap AA’s or something?? On a Gay Rock Guitar™?

“The cable has snapped from sheer EPICNESS!” A NERV employee stated in shock. 

Makoto: Eva has switched over to the internal battery. 

Maya spoke over Shinji's headset, “Active time for Guitar 01 remaining is 4 minutes and 53 seconds!” she said. 

“WAAAAAA!!” Shinji said as he pretended to sing. What a waaaaa-baby. 

Meanwhile, Toji and Kensuke were trying to get backstage of BIg Kaworu Rushes stage, but had gotten mixed up, and were now about to climb on stage with the un-epic band, 01 Direction. 

“We’re almost on stage!” Kensuke exclaimed. 

While “singing”, Shinji glanced over to his side, seeing Toji and Kensuke. “Oh, _great._ ” he thought. Was he sassy now? Maybe...

Shinji was NOT having a good time right now, I mean, he could barely even SEE the awesome singer Kaworu Nagisa from this angle now!

“Shinji-kun-senpai-chan-kun-sama-dono, are you all right?! Shinji-kun!” Misato screamed at him,“How are the ratings?” she asked the NERV Labels backstage crew.

“Pretty bad!”

Information about Toji and Kensuke was displayed on screen for the backstage crew as security camera footage showed them trying to climb on stage. 

MIsato raised her eyebrow in confusion, “Aren’t those Shinji’s classmates?” she asked. 

“Why are they here?” Asked Ritsuko. 

Shinji stopped singing, feeling his gay energies reach an all time low. Not only was he distraught by the fact he couldn’t see Kaworu’s face anymore, but he also saw Toji and his not-boyfriend Kensuke HOLDING HANDS! Shinji felt like an even bigger loser than he already was!

“Why isn’t Shinji singing?” Toji said, looking at Shinji standing on stage awkwardly.

“I heard it’s because his gay energy is at an all time low! He can’t play his guitar and perform if he doesn’t have any homosexual thoughts!” Kensuke said.

“Guitar 01 only has 3 minutes and 28 seconds before it runs out of power!” Maya yelled out, nervously watching Shinji stand still on the NERV label’s big screen™.

“Shinji-kun-chan-sama-senpai, make Toji and Kensuke your backup dancers! You need to keep performing Tik Tok. We can end the show right after!” Misato said.

“Toji and Kensuke have no dancing experience though! How do you know they’ll be good backup dancers?!” Ritsuko said.

“Just trust me. I have a feeling it will work,” Misato said.

Suddenly, the spotlight shone on Toji and Kensuke. “Wait, why are the cameras pointed at us?” Toji said in confusion.

“Don’t you know what this means? We’re going to stand in as background dancers for 01 Direction!” Kensuke said. “After watching so many MMD dance videos, I can finally show off my skills!”

While Kensuke and Toji were dancing in the background (they were surprisingly good dancers) suddenly Kaworu and the rest of Big Kaworu Rush walked onto 01 Direction’s stage!

“Shinji, do you want to do a homie duet with me?” Kaworu said.

“Kaworu?!” Shinji said, feeling his gay energy shoot up off the roof. _LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS JUST LIKE THE KAWORU X READER I READ BEFORE MISATO MADE ME GO ON STAGE!_

“What is Big Kaworu Rush doing on our stage?!” Ritsuko said, watching Kaworu talking to Shinji.

“I don’t know! We weren’t informed about this happening until just now!” Misato said. “Wait Ritsuko, look! Shinji’s gay energy is off the charts! He can sing one more song with this much energy!”

Suddenly, Kaworu burst into song, singing everybody’s favorite homie ballad, ‘World is Mine by Hatsune Miku’. “NO WAY! KAWORU IS GOING TO SING A HATSUNE MIKU SONG WITH SHINJI?!” Kensuke said.

Even though Shinji has never listened to a Hatsune Miku song in his life, using the power of GAY he was able to overcome his terrible singing and lip syncing skills to sing along with Kaworu perfectly.

“Guitar 01 is going berserk from the overwhelming amount of gay energy Shinji has!” Misato yelled.

Guitar 01 turned into a giant robot (again) and made the crowd go WILD! 01 Direction’s approval rating was going up faster than you can say ‘no homo’ While Kaworu and Shinji were singing World is Mine in unison and giant robot Guitar 01 was dancing along like they were in an MMD video.

Finally, the song ended and a bunch of rainbows filled the sky. The crowd cheered, marking the first success of 01 Direction. “Shinji, you look out of breath from our homie duet. Do you want to do homie CPR to get your gay levels back up?” Kaworu asked.

“Sure!” Shinji said. _What’s homie CPR-_ he thought before Kaworu kissed him, I mean did ‘homie CPR’ with him on stage. 

“WHAT THE HELL?! KAWORU ACTUALLY KISSED SHINJI!” Asuka yelled. “THAT’S SO GAY!”

“Asuka, we’re girlfriends,” Rei said.

“THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT!”

\---

After the Battle of the Bands ended, Shinji went back home with Misato. Shinji sat on his bed with his laptop, currently taking a _“What is Kaworu Nagisa to you?”_ quiz.

_“What is your favorite color? Select one.”_

_[red]_

_[blue]_

_[kaworu]_

_[yellow]_

Shinji sighed, and chose the obvious answer. He’d been choosing “Kaworu” as every answer, he couldn’t risk getting “stranger” on this!

Well, that was the last question, and he got “stranger”. 

After leaving a _very_ scathing review of the quiz, he sighed, thinking back to the Battle of the Bands earlier that day. “This quiz is just straight up lying, we’re not strangers, I mean… homie cpr...” he said to nobody in particular.

“Shinji! It’s choccy milk and cheese sticks for dinner again!” Misato told him from the kitchen, now a bit calmer, she was no longer speaking in weeb. 

He groaned in annoyance, he was just about to read Mermaid!Kaworu x reader on Wattpad. Putting on his Big Kaworu Rush themed house slippers, he walked into the dining room. 

If he had stayed in his room, however he would have seen the message on his phone, 

_From [UNKNOWN NUMBER]:_

_Ahah miku sure is awesome huh, ahah WORLD IS MINE!! Our homie duet was epic. Ahah more like homo-duet...jk jk! Ahah… unless? Jk...unless?_

You probably shouldn't question how Shinji’s number was acquired, but it seems that more homie moments are soon to come, if a homie text is any indication.

  
  


[PREVIEW]

Shinji can't get over the sheer epic gay homie-ness of his homie duet with Kaworu, so he tries to run away and join BIG KAWORU RUSH!?! NO WAY!! Next chapter, "Hedgehog's Musical band awesome dilemma"!

Next time, of course, service, service! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spicycrab A/N: Thank you so much for reading this chapter! This chapter is the one where we made the most changes to the original eva script i think, and it was so much fun to write! We were going to wait a lot longer to introduce kaworu but,, i think we realized that literally there is no point in doing that when we control this fic. Anyways, *miku voice* bye!
> 
> Rosyinnie A/N: Thank you for reading this chapter! Like what Spicycrab said before, we definitely changed the eva script a lot in this chapter and added some new things in. I hope you enjoyed this chapter since I had a lot of fun writing it!


	4. Hedgehog's Musical band awesome dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji runs away from NERV to be with his new boyfriend Kaworu in Big Kaworu Rush! However, it seems that his FNAF merch collection has been held hostage...

Misato knocked on Shinji’s door, the sign that he had written for his room, in english letters of course, read _‘shin-chan-kun~ >w< keep out UNLESS UR KAWORU-KUN-SENPAI HEHE KYAAA 0_o uwu’_. Ahh...the joys of Weeb Speak™. 

“Shinji-kun-chan-dono, get up! You haven’t been on stage for five whole days! Guitar 01 is working fine...” She said through the door. 

Not getting a response, she knocked again. “Shinji?”

Opening the door, the purple haired manager found that Shinji had decided to leave. He had packed up all of his Kaworu Nagisa figurines, and that was about it, other than his FNAF merch. 

She sighed as she read the letter sitting on his desk, written with a sparkly pink ink pen. 

_“Dear Misato-sama-san,_

_Watashi have decided to pursue other interests than being in 01 Direction._

_Specifically, I am going to join Big Kaworu Rush at Seele Labels, to be with my star crossed homie, Kaworu Nagisa, kyaaa! >w<_

_He texted me once, doki doki! I leave all of my printed kaworu x reader fanfictions to you, please treat them well, arigato._

_Sayonara, You’re tomodachi, Shinji-san-kun-chan.”_

Misato sighed, the Weebanese was getting harder to decipher. “Why am I not surprised?”

\---

Toji and Kensuke decided to drop by Shinji’s place so they could see the special edition Kaworu plushie Shinji claimed to have. 

“I tried listening to Hatsune Miku for you bro… Her songs kind of slap. She still sucks though,” Toji said.

“You actually overcame your hate for Hatsune Miku for me, dude?” Kensuke said, touched by what his not-boyfriend said.

“Kind of. Triple baka is still pretty mid though,” Toji said.

“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS? TRIPLE BAKA IS NOT FUCKING MID!!!” Kensuke screeched.

“Looks like we’re already here,” Toji said, looking at Shinji’s home. It was otherwise normal except for the Big Kaworu Rush doormat on the ground and the poster on the wall that said ‘I’m a true Big Kaworu Rush fan!’. They ringed the doorbell and waited until someone opened the door. 

“Shinji-kun-san-chan-hime?!” Misato said.

“Er…” Toji said.

“We’re Shinji's classmates, Aida and Suzuhara. We came to see Shinji’s Big Kaworu Rush limited edition one of a kind only sold in stores now Kaworu plushie,” Kensuke said.

“Aida-kun and Suzuhara-kun?” Misato said. “If I'm not mistaken, weren’t you the ones who became the backup dancers for 01 Direction the other day?”

“Yeah we were! I think my moves that I learned from the countless hours I spent watching MMD videos finally paid off!” Kensuke said.

“Is Shinji home?” Toji asked.

“Shinji-kun-sama-chan-senpai ran away from home to join Big Kaworu Rush,” Misato sighed. “Apparently one text message from his star crossed homie Kaworu was all it took for him to finally leave.”

“I see,” Toji said, disappointed he wasn’t able to see Shinji’s one of a kind limited edition buy now get one free only in twenty four hours Kaworu plushie.

“Sorry for all the trouble. Thank you for visiting,” Misato said.

“Well, we'll excuse ourselves,” Kensuke said. “Have a nice day. Don’t forget to stream Triple Baka.”

“Yes, I will. Bye,” Misato said with a big smile before immediately shutting the door after she hears ‘TRIPLE BAKA IS NOT FUCKING MID TOJI HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS?!’ in the distance. 

“Shinji, that damned fool! I should’ve secretly deleted his quotev account when I had the chance!” Misato grumbled. “It’s already sunset and Shinji’s still not back. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures…”

Misato grabbed a sticky note out of her drawer that read ‘Kaworu’s snapchat password - Xx_shinjiboyfriend_xX.

\---

Shinji was currently sitting on the train, kinning his inner emo boy, he looked outside the window at the rain. 

Surprisingly though, he wasn’t going WAAAAA!

He was actually running away from home, to join Big Kaworu Rush, with his EPIC homie, Kaworu Nagisa. 

He had Spotify open and was currently listening to his favorite song, “PONPONPON MMD VIDEO” on loop. All of the sudden, he got a snapchat message from Kaworu.

_“Yoooo bae, no hetero, where r u??”_ it read, Shinji wrote back almost instantly.

_“Watashi am on the train !! 0///0 kyaa!!~ X3”_ The perfect message.

_“R u joinin big kaworu rush ahah, homie cpr...jk jk… unless?”_

_“YESH!! ^w^ *glomp* hehe gomen, O.O rlly cpr again omgg!! o3o ya /// ”_

They snapchatted back and forth for about 3 hours, and by the time Kaworu had to go to practice Womanizer mmd video dance moves, he sighed as he noticed that it was already sunset.

He stood up as an announcement that the train had stopped played, he and Kaworu had agreed to meet outside of Seele Labels at 7 PM, but as soon as he was about to walk to the building, he had received another Snapchat. 

_“Yoooo haha,, wanna meet me at the movie theater?”_ it said, the image was just a purple blur. Odd, but due to Shinji’s desperation for an x reader scenario, he jumped on the chance for an epic movie theater date.

\---

Shinji walked for about 15 minutes before he was able to find the theater that he assumed Kaworu to be talking about. It was currently showing “Big Kaworu Rush: The Movie.” which literally was giving Shinji chills just looking at the title.

Assuming that it would be his favorite movie, beating the likes of even _Honey I Shrunk the Kids 2_ , he bought a ticket immediately.

\---

The brown haired teen waited excitedly in his seat, mainly for the EPIC movie, nay, FILM, but also for the fact that he was going to meet up with his Star Crossed Homie!™ 

The film was no film. Only a movie. Shinji’s blood was boiling, it was animated with MMD and was shipping Kaworu and Komaeda together, a popular fan pairing. 

_“Nagito Komaeda, my Love, will you… be in Big Kaworu Rush with me?”_ said shitty MMD Kaworu. The MMD Komaeda kissed him.

Shinji was crying his eyes out, “Kaworu, why??” he wailed, believing this to be an elaborate scheme for Kaworu to homie-break-up with him, he got out his phone and posted _“Nobody hmu...only the real ones kno whats goin on…nya… >_>”_ to his Snap Story in anguish. 

Just then, Misato walked into the theater to see Shinji getting into an intense argument with a Kaworu x Komaeda shipper next to him. “SHINJI-KUN-SAMA-CHAN!” she yelled.

“M-Misato-san-senpai-hime?” He asked meekly, still not over his supposed homie-breakup. “What are you doing here?”

The purple haired manager sighed deeply, “I’m sorry Shinji, but I was the one who told you to go here.” she admitted, feeling like not being a horrible manager. “I knew you were running away, so, I…” 

She was cut off instantly by Shinji literally screaming for 3 minutes straight, uninterrupted. They were kicked out of the theater by security. 

\---

Misato heads back home, unable to get Shinji back with her after he threw a tantrum on the streets and feared the child protective services running after her after Shinji screamed ‘YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!’ for the fiftieth time. 

Misato went over to get a choccy milk and cheese sticks (her favorite meal) when she realizes she RAN OUT. “WHERE’S ALL MY CHOCCY MILK?! I THOUGHT I BOUGHT ENOUGH TO LAST ME A WHOLE YEAR!”

\---

Meanwhile, Shinji was busy emoing it up on the bus to the Big Kaworu Rush merch store. Shinji opened his private twitter where he followed super sad anime quotes and relatable tweets accounts. ‘No one understands what I go through…… #sad #deep #emptiness’ he tweeted before retweeting ‘the people who you trust in your life the most will end up hurting you the most’. 

\---

Misato decided to call her girlfriend, Ritsuko over her unfortunate dilemma. “Ritsuko, I ran out of choccy milk and cheese sticks again…” she sighed.

“I thought you already bought a 60 pack of them in advance in case this would happen,” Ritsuko said. “How would you run out of them so quickly?”

“I’m living with Shinji, remember? He’s eating through my choccy milk and cheese stick supplies like crazy,” Misato sighed.

“I’ll buy another truckload just for you, even though I find cheese sticks absolutely disgusting,” Ritsuko said.

“Really babe?! THAT’S SO ROMANTIC!”

“Also, I stole a bunch of breadsticks from Olive Garden for our anniversary that’s coming up. I even took their olive oil dipping sauce too,” Ritsuko bragged. 

“BABE!!! Also, Shinji ran away from home. He said something about wanting to join Big Kaworu Rush or whatever for his not boyfriend. Good for him!” Misato said.

“Excellent! Don’t worry, he’ll come back anyways. Not unless he wants to be falsely accused of attempting to assassinate a member of the government!” Ritsuko said.

\---

Shinji sat in the corner of the Big Kaworu Rush merch store, snapchatting Kaworu a _“omgg ;-; misato-sama-chan TRICKED ME!! :’’(( watashi HATE my life xoxo, meet me @ teh merch store 0//0”_ quickly, before putting away his phone to check out the limited edition Kaworu Nagisa x Five Nights at Freddy’s merch line.

“The holy grail...” he stared longingly at the Golden Freddy Funko Pop with a Kaworu shirt on. 

Suddenly, Misato busted through the door, breathing heavily, “DO YOU GUYS CARRY CHOCCY MILK- oh hey Shinji- I’M BEGGING YOU, THIS IS THE LAST STORE I COULD FIND IN TOKYO-3!!” she screamed in a blind frenzy, barely paying any mind to the brown haired fnaf kinnie in the corner.

He scoffed, as if they wouldn’t carry Kaworu Nagisa Brand Choccy Milk™, Misato could be so uncultured sometimes. 

Misato turned to him slowly, “They have it here?” she asked desperately, 

“Yes.” wtf chad shinji :flushed: no way!

The purple haired woman cried in joy, finally free of her no-choccy-milk induced insanity. “And...Cheese sticks?”

“Yes.” Kaworu Nagisa brand, of course. 

She looked in disbelief, there was no way the store of the competing band could be this good, “Do you really understand what I'm saying?” she quirked her eyebrow, in anime-fashion.

“Yes.” Shinji wasn’t listening anymore, he was posting relationship memes on his private Instagram that he barely related to and tagging Kaworu with the caption _“this is sooo us xD”_.

Misato instantly began to run towards the food section, grabbing every container of choccy milk and cheese sticks in sight, and when she saw the lunchables? It was all over then. 

A customer service employee walked over to her, “Hello ma’am, welcome to the Big Kaworu Rush emporium, how may I help you?” he asked, dressed head to toe in Sans Undertale cosplay, the company standard store uniform.

“GRRR BARK BARK BARK” Responded Misato, it had been 9 minutes since her last cheese stick. 

The Sans Undertale cosplayer remained calm, “Ma’am, I hope you know that each of those items is 10,591.75¥ each.” he said. (That’s 100 SMACKAROOS according to google dot com™!)

The purple haired woman turned to him, “I work for NERV Labels, I can frame you for over 100 of our undiscovered manslaughter charges at one time, so I’d advise you back off.” she said, doing the Badass Anime Woman face. 

“Ight,” And the employee was gone.

She turned back to the door, now with her cart full of various stolen items, “Say, Shinji, would you reconsider coming back now that I have all this Kaworu merch-” Misato began to say before noticing that Shinji was now doing homie cpr with Kaworu in the corner. “Cheese sticks and Choccy milk for one it is, then...”

\---

“You got choccy milk and cheese sticks from Big Kaworu Rush emporium? You know they're our rival, right?” Ritsuko said, currently on call with her girlfriend.

“I know that! It was an emergency, you know. If I don’t get choccy milk and cheese sticks, I’ll…” Misato said.

“I know, I know. Just keep it a secret, alright?” Ritsuko said.

“Fine. Just like how I’m keeping NERV’s money laundering schemes a secret as well!”

\---

While all of this was going down, Kensuke was busy defending the honor of his favorite song, Triple Baka in the youtube comment section of a Hatsune Miku song ranking video. 

After browsing r/animemes for an hour straight where the only memes were about not being able to say a slur anymore, he needed to let off some steam.

_‘How DARE you put Triple Baka in F tier._ _I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.’_

Kensuke patted himself on the back after hitting send, knowing he contributed something good to society for today. 

\---

Shinji and Kaworu had decided that the best course of action to take was going camping before they decided to go to SEELE Labels HQ. You gotta get that true running away experience, y’know?

Also, Shinji had recently read a Kaworu Nagisa x reader with a very similar plot to this. 

“I think I was born to be your homie.” Kaworu said as they were sitting on those- those camping chairs? Those Chairs- as they watched a picture of Gendo with the words “I HATE YOU DAD” written on it burn for campfire fuel.

Internally, Shinji was screaming _“LET’SSSS FUCKINNNNN GOOOOOOOO”_ at the top of his lungs. Externally, however, he just nodded and said “Yep!”.

He was also a bit worried that Kaworu had been reading his Kaworu x Shinji!OC fanfiction, entitled Neon Genesis Evangelion, but brushed that aside for now.

“Like, star crossed homies, perhaps, no hetero.” Kaworu would not stop kinning the Kaworu in Shinji’s fanfiction, it was getting scary. 

In order to steer the conversation away from fanfic-esque things, Shinji decided to blurt out his most well kept secret. “I hate microwaved choccy milk.”

Kaworu gasped, “No way…” he muttered. 

“I’m sorry...if this is… a dealbreaker…” Shinji began to cry, but was interrupted suddenly. 

“NO WAY, ME TOO!!” Kaworu smiled, “When your manager gave me some two days ago I was so confused…” he was then cut off by Shinji.

The brown haired teen started kinning the angry Discord emoji, “Misato-chan-senpai-sama did WHAT?” well, I guess this is going to be setting up an explanation as to how Misato was able to obtain Kaworu’s login credentials.

Kaworu nodded, “Yeah, she gave me some as thanks for letting her go through my phone, she said she wanted to find something for you?” Shinji was seething with pure rage now. Misato goes through Kaworu’s phone, and she doesn’t even end up telling him if Kaworu had read his comment on BigKaworuRush.com??

“THAT CHOCCY MILK LOVING BITCH!!” Shinji yelled at the top of his lungs. 

Feeling defeated, Shinji sighed, turning to Kaworu, “Can you do, like, The Thing?” he asked. 

“What thing?” The silver haired boy asked him. 

The other attempted to articulate The Thing, “Like…y’know, the ^w^ thing.” which he said out loud somehow. 

“Yes king anything for you.” Kaworu responded, now Doing The Thing. 

Shinji was finally at peace, he could die content. Kaworu had done The Thing, just like in his fanfic.

After a little while longer of Kaworu doing various kaomoji impressions for Shinji, their Gendo-hatred fueled campfire finally burned out. “I guess it’s time to go to bed before we head over to SEELE Labels in the morning…” Shinji said, disappointed that they wouldn’t be living in a fanfiction for much longer.

“Yooo bae ahah you look soo out of breath, need some homie cpr??” Kaworu offered, truly kinning his inner thirst dm. 

The brown haired teen morphed into the flushed emoji for a moment, “Oh yeah sure.” he responded. 

After their AWESOMESAUCE kiss, also known as homie cpr, Shinji’s gay levels had been raised DRASTICALLY, however they wouldn’t be needed at SEELE, sadly. 

They got into their matching Big Kaworu Rush sleeping bags inside of their Big Kaworu Rush tent and decided to go to bed, however, not before some Homie Moments!!

“I headcanon us as a couple…” Shinji admitted. 

Kaworu turned to him, “Bae...what if...we made it canon doe...” he said, holding out a box. 

“Omg bae what is this!!” The brown haired FNAF kinnie opened the box, only to find... “THE GOLDEN FREDDY X KAWORU NAGISA COLLAB MERCH?!? HOW DID YOU KNOW?” He exclaimed happily.

The red eyed MMD star Did The Thing again, “Well- timeloop haha, y’know how it is…” he muttered, but quickly covered it up. “Will you be...my homie for lyfe??” 

“YES!!” This was the most romantic moment in Shinji’s life thus far. 

However, due to the fact that Shinji’s life clearly fucking sucked, the NERV FBI branch was knocking on the door of their tent. “Is a uh- Shinji Ikari here?” the FBI man asked, before ripping open the tent. 

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Shinji was back on his BS. 

Shinji was being separated from his soul-homie, this is so sad, can we get 1 like? “According to the eighth clause of the Public Security Regulations, we’ll be taking you back to HQ now.” the man told him. “We were alerted of your presence here by you screaming something about….a choccy milk loving bitch?”

Waaaaaaa-ing intensely, Shinji was dragged back to NERV against his will. It was a very slow abduction, though. Kaworu walked with him and dropped off his stuff. (With a note that said “haha next runaway attempt will be better bae jk jk...unless?”)

\---

Meanwhile, Toji and Kensuke were in the classroom, discussing whether Fortnite was overrated or not.

“Fortnite is not overrated. The general public hates it so it makes Fortnite underrated,” Toji said. 

“LIES. Fortnite is very overrated. Even if a lot of people hate it, that doesn’t change the fact many people play it-” Kensuke began before he was interrupted by Toji.

“FORTNITE SUCKS BUT IT’S UNDERRATED. THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO PLAY IT DON’T MATTER BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES IT.”  
  


“FORTNITE IS OVERRATED. I’M RIGHT AND YOU’RE WRONG.”

“Did Shinji get arrested from NERV?” Toji said, quickly changing the topic.

“Maybe. He probably got falsely accused of assassinating a political leader. Just another normal day at NERV,” Kensuke said.

“Sounds epic,” Toji said.

\---

Shinji had been put in waaa-baby jail back at NERV. 

His crimes included being a waaa-baby, unauthorized raising of gay levels, and treason.

Misato walked into his Big Kaworu Rush themed prison cell, “Long time no see.” she remarked. Not to Shinji, of course, but the fact that he wasn’t wearing Big Kaworu Rush merch anymore, but rather a prison uniform.

Picking up on these signals, Shinji simply responded, “Yeah...” he sighed sadly. 

“Was running away with your DEFINITELY-NOT-boyfriend from the enemy band _fun_ for you?” His manager asked, putting on her badass anime woman voice.

He thought for a moment, “Yes.” before becoming based. 

The purple haired woman needed to change the conversation after she was defeated with FACTS and LOGIC, “Guitar 01 is ready, are you going to play in the band? Or not??” she asked him nervously. 

“SHUT UP MISATO-CHAN-KUN-SAMA!” The teen screamed at her, “You’re not my MOM…” he sulked. “What if I don’t WANT to play in 01 DIRECTION…”

Misato kinned the thinking emoji, “Rei would probably play it, then. Although she’d have to take some more gay level classes…” She trailed off in thought.

The brown haired fnaf fan rolled his eyes, “She could never, she’s not as gay as me... guess I’ll have to.” he said, very ignorant to Rei’s fairly high gay levels.

“You don't want to play in the epic band?”

Shinji screamed at the top of his lungs, just about at his wits end with this choccy milk loving bitch, “nO!!! I JUST WANT TO READ KAWORU X READER!!” and have his awesome homie 4 lyfe wedding with Kaworu, but that would come later.

“UGH, stop being a WAAAA-baby, just leave to be with your not-boyfriend, then! I'm tired of this!! I’m going to go on my date with Ritsuko!” Misato stormed out of the prison cell. 

This was a total win for Shinji.

\---

Shinji took out his phone and immediately opened his snapchat to tell Kaworu the good news. ‘Kaworu ^w^ Misato-san-chan said i can go meet up with you o_O i’m going to leave NERV right now to be with you >~< I’ll see u soon nya owo’ he wrote before sending Kaworu his snap.

\---

After waiting a few minutes in the prison while practicing his ^w^ face for Kaworu, Shinji was being escorted out of the prison by the NERV labels by a NERV secret agent who was probably a spy for the russian government. 

“Where is Misato-sama-chan-kun-san? I need her to give me my Five nights at Freddy's merch,” Shinji said.

“You don't belong to Nerv now, so all of your FNAF merch will be confiscated,” the FBI agent said. 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’LL BE CONFISCATED?! GIVE ME BACK MY FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S MERCH!!!” Shinji cried, becoming a WAAAAA baby once more.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. NERV rules,” the FBI agent shook his head.

Shinji was now seething with pure rage. He took out his phone and immediately tweeted on @kaworusboyfriendofficialaccount ‘ _i HATE NERV labels._ _i hate them so much. when i see them i just want to die. i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering, my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body. why are they so evil and cruel? i hate them. #pain #rage #iwantyoudied_ ’ and send tweet.

\---

Shinji got out of the car hesitantly, after sending his last snapchat to his awesome totally-not-boyfriend, Kaworu.

_‘Omg HAIIII im @ SEELE 0w0 kyaaa~~!! Can’t w8 2 see uuu!!’_

He glanced to the front of SEELE HQ, still unaware that apparently he was an assassin, only to see Toji and Kensuke. “NOOOOO DON’T LEAVE 01 DIRECTION YOU’RE THE ONLY GOOD PART!!!” Yelled Toji.

The brown haired soon-to-be-ex-01-direction member ignored them both, walking into SEELE HQ, wearing only Big Kaworu Merch as he blasted PONPONPON MMD VIDEO in his Big Kaworu Rush themed earbuds.

Kaworu came into the SEELE HQ lobby, “Shinji, you’re here!!” He exclaimed, “I could barely understand your Snapchats!!” he said happily.

“Omigosh kyaaa!!!~~ Kaworu-kun-chan-senpai!!” Shinji was now using weeb-anese out loud, the end is nigh.

Meanwhile, as Shinji and Kaworu were epicly doing homie cpr in the middle of the SEELE HQ lobby, Toji and Kensuke continued their Fortnite debate.

“NO- LISTEN! If it’s POPULAR, then it’s OVERRATED!!” Kensuke screamed, it was evident that he had been watching way too many obscure anime lately.

Toji groaned in frustration with this Fortnite anti, “But all the people who like it are kids, and they can’t write reviews!” he argued.

The Triple Baka lover was at his wits end. “WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT EVEN MAKE?!?”

Shinji and Kaworu were growing annoyed with this argument, needing to get back to their homie activities, such as sitting 5 feet apart in the hot tub because they’re (not) gay, according to Netflix dot com.

“It’s totally overrated.” Shinji grumbled, and although Kaworu didn’t even know what Fortnite was, he had the obligation to agree. “SO true king...are you single by the way?” he asked.

The brown haired teen looked at him. “We’re dating, right?”

“LET’SSSSSSS FUCKINNNNNNNGGG GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Kaworu yelled in triumph.

The NERV FBI men that were obligated to be with Shinji were tweeting on their tumblrs at the moment, barely even NOTICING the immense gay levels that were being radiated.

“You need to tell Toji why it’s overrated bae, I believe in you.” Kaworu said to Shinji as the Fortnite debate was still going on. It was very loud.

The other sighed. “Can you Do The Thing first?”

Kaworu Did The Thing. “oh sure ^w^.”

“Thank you so much.”

Now empowered from Kaworu Doing The Thing, Shinji proceeded to walk up to the two in a chad-like fashion. “I-it’s- uhm...it-...overrated…” There goes your chad card, Shinji.

“OH REALLY?? WHY THEN??” Toji spat back at Shinji’s insane claim.

Kaworu held up a sign that said “SO TRUE KING AHAH, OLIVE GARDEN LATER??” as he cheered on his epic apparently-yeah-it’s-his-boyfriend, and this brought back Shinji’s boldness. 

He proceeded to EPICLY smack Toji with FACTS and LOGIC on why Fortnite is actually overrated, “Let’s say, hypothetically, you’re a Fortnite fan-” he began to kin Ben Shapiro. “And for the sake of argument, let’s say you have haters-”

“HYPOTHETICALLY MY ASS. FORTNITE IS UNDERRATED BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU EXIST!” Toji yelled out.

SLAP. Shinji gave Toji an epic smackeroonie for disagreeing with him. Kensuke gasped. Toji stood there in silence. Kaworu whooped and hollered, yelling out you go king. What a BASED moment. 

“That still didn’t change my opinion,” Toji said. 

“You’re lame,” Shinji said as if he wasn’t the lamest guy in all of TOKYO-3.

“Your time is up,” the FBI agent told Shinji. 

“Well, goodbye everyone,” Shinji said before dramatically leaving Kensuke and Toji behind with Kaworu.

“Kaworu, do you think you can buy all the five nights at freddy’s merch that I left back at Misato’s place?” Shinji said before going on the train with Kaworu.

“Sure king, how much do they cost?” Kaworu asked. Shinji showed all of the items he bought for his Five nights at Freddy’s collection, which ended up being 1,065,880.00¥ in total ($10,000 USD). Shinji wasn’t cheap when it came to his Five nights at Freddy’s collection.

“So, do you think you can afford it?” Shinji asked.

“I’m sorry…” Kaworu said. 

“Kaworu… I want to stay with you, but my Five nights at Freddy’s merch is too important for me. I’m sorry, but this is goodbye.”  
  


“Shinji!” Kaworu said, watching his boyfriend leave him behind to run back to NERV.

\---

Misato and her girlfriend Ritsuko were chatting in the hallways of NERV HQ, “So he’s gone, huh?” the blonde commented. “Off to be with his not-boyfriend-just-homie?”

“Mhm...Didn’t you say something about him kinning Sonic the Hedgehog before? I think he has an OC...” Misato asked naïvely looking at the other woman as she nommed on a cheese stick happily.

The blonde giggled at her slightly, but remembered that Misato had actually gone through a Sonic phase, “Haha, so true queen!” she said enthusiastically. “That’s exactly right, babe!”

Misato handed her a cheese stick, and they continued to do the pocky game but with a cheese stick. Mmmmm… cheesy…

If we’re being honest, this is relationship goals.

\---

After leaving his boyfriend behind at the train station, Shinji began crying like the WAAAAA baby he is. He looked at his phone, filled with notifications of Kaworu’s snaps asking him if he was okay. “I’m sorry Kaworu…”

Shinji got off the station for TOKYO-3 and saw Misato and her blue car waiting for him. Misato got out of her car and smugly looked at Shinji, holding the limited edition super special only found during the month of December Five nights at Freddy’s x Big Kaworu Rush collab poster that SHinji left behind. 

“Look! Shinji’s back!” Kensuke said, pointing at the emo teenager who was currently on his snapchat posting a story with the caption ‘no one hmu all of u are so fake. only the real ones know wsp’.

“Why did he return? I thought once he ran away with his homie boyfriend Kaworu he wouldn’t ever come back to NERV,” Toji said.

“I'm back,” Shinji said, snatching his limited edition super special only found during the month of December Five nights at Freddy’s x Big Kaworu Rush collab poster.

“Welcome home,” Misato grinned, taking a bite out of her cheese stick (found in the Big Kaworu Rush emporium, get one at your local store today!).

While driving back home with Misato, Shinji opened his phone to quickly snap Kaworu as an apology for leaving him behind for his Five nights at Freddy’s merch. ‘I’m sorry for leaving yuou behind nya~~~ >^< do you want to go to olive garden on a date ^w^’ he quickly typed.

Kaworu instantly replied back. ‘Of course king!!!!!!! I completely understand. I’ll see you at Olive garden tomorrow ahahaha’.

Shinji looked at his phone with disbelief, now realizing he just asked Kaworu on a date. What an absolutely EPIC move. “LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” he yelled out.

[PREVIEW]

Rei, who according to her horoscope is an introvert, only ever really talks to stinky h*etero Gendo and her AWESOME girlfriend Asuka, so Shinji decides to be her new bestie, seeing as he only has one (boy)friend. Speaking of that boyfriend, Shinji and Kaworu go to Olive Garden on an EPIC date! The next is 'Rei’s Triangle'!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spicycrab A/N: *kins funnie renai circulation* hey everyone!! I’m really proud of this chapter and i hope you guys like it, i’d also like to thank you all for 101 hits! I never thought we’d get that many so quickly, to be honest. TYSM for reading, *dissolves as i listen to funnie renai circulation*
> 
> Rosyinnie A/N: Thank you for the 101 hits!! I still think Shinji splurging $10,000 on Five nights at Freddy's merch is the funniest thing to me. Thank you for reading!! *dissolves into Sans and Komaeda toxic MMD*


	5. Rei’s triangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Kaworu go on their EPIC olive garden date, but komaeda shows up, fuck you komaeda! It also seems that rei has a writing project...

22 days prior before Shinji joined 01 Direction, Gendo was trying to get Rei to play the triangle. The NERV staff were forced to watch her play with the promise of getting donuts when everything was finished. 

“Activate,” Gendo said, turning on Rei’s EPIC electrically powered triangle powered by homosexuality. Even though electric triangles seem really inconvenient and a waste of power, you got to admit they do look really cool.

“Connect the main power supply and all circuits together,” Ritsuko said, spouting a bunch of science stuff no one understood. 

“The main power supply is connected. Start the activation system,” Maya replied, continuing to spout a bunch of science stuff.

“Rei’s gay energy is being transferred to the triangle. There seems to be no problems,” Shigeru said.

“Arrange for the third connection,” Ritsuko said.

“Problems encountered on the third stage. Rei’s doesn’t have enough gay energy to power the triangle,” Shigeru shook his head.

“What? Why is this happening?” Ritsuko said.

“Asuka is away because she went to a Shane Dawson convention so she can pretend like she’s still heterosexual,” Maya sighed. “Rei needs Asuka to be here or she won’t be gay enough to play the triangle.”

“Cut all the circuits to the electric triangle,” Ritsuko sighed. “Think about the donuts, Ritsuko… Even though you are paid below minimum wage at least you get donuts...”

“We can’t cut it off!” Maya said. “The triangle is out of control!”   
  


“What does that even mean?!” Shigeru yelled. 

“Stop the experiment. Shut off the power supply,” Gendo said, striking his Gendo pose.

“Yes sir,” Ritsuko said, not paying attention to what Gendo said. 

“35 seconds until complete standstill,” Shigeru said. Suddenly, Rei’s electric triangle started being a little TOO electric. It started to do that thing that happens when you put a fork in an electric outlet.

“It's dangerous- step back!” Ritsuko yelled. 

“Damn it!” Gendo yelled. “I spent 53,439 ¥ (that’s $500 buckaroos) on that triangle!”

“The triangle is going to shut down in 10 seconds!” Maya said.

“Rei!” Gendo said. “You can’t die! I spent too much money on you!”

“6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0…” Maya said. The electric triangle started to do that zzzzzzzz thing on Rei’s hand before completely shortcutting and going BOOM.

“Rei, are you all right? Rei!” Gendo said, going over to her. He accidentally touched the electric triangle and burned his hand.

Rei stared at her hand, which was electrocuted and exploded on and stared back at Gendo. “Yeah,” Rei said.

\---

Ritsuko stood in the halls of NERV HQ talking to her girlfriend, “You wanna know about Rei?” The blonde asked Misato. The other nodded enthusiastically, taking a bite out of her Big Kaworu Rush branded cheese stick.

“Well let’s see… She’s 14, the so-called “First Child” of 01 Direction…” Ritsuko started, “She’s the only one who can play the triangle in NERV, so she’s very special to the band.”

Misato smiled listening to her girlfriend talk, “Weren’t there some triangle related injuries last time?” another bite was taken from the cheese stick- well, it was a different cheese stick now. She burns through them.

The blonde NERV music writer shook her head, “We’re not sure… but we have reason to believe that the reasons may be lack of gay levels.” she sighed deeply, even thinking about such a thing made her queasy.

“L-Low gay levels??!” Misato shuddered, she sat her cheese stick on the bench, unable to take another bite after hearing something so horrifying. 

Ritsuko hung her head in sadness, “Yes, sadly so,” she put her arm around Misato to comfort her, seeing as the current conversation was very grim. “Her girlfriend Asuka is away right now, going to the Shane Dawson fan convention…”

Asuka had been trying to be hetero for a while, which was utterly useless, seeing as she could potentially have higher gay levels than both Shinji and Kaworu combined! 

“Poor Rei-chan-san…” The purple haired woman cried, pitying the young girl’s lack of gay levels.

The blonde woman hugged her, “Perhaps she could...” she trailed off cryptically. 

Misato perked up happily. “Do you have an idea on how to raise her gay levels?“

“No, it’d never work...“ The other woman stated solemnly, not trusting her outrageous idea that probably will never be brought up again. 

_“Demolition of Block-D3 has finished. Please submit all data to the Analysis Group of the 1st Division of the Engineering Bureau.”_ An announcement played over the tinny speakers of the PR system. What does it mean? We do not know.

Gendo had actually been running an ARG through the PR system for about 3 months now, however nobody in NERV had been going along with it. 

Shinji walked though NERV HQ aimlessly snapchatting Kaworu when he ran into Ritsuko and Misato. He put his phone away quickly, not wanting them to see his last snapchat. _“KONICHIWA omgg!! Watashi can’t w8 4 our olive garden date kaworu-kun-chan-senpai!! 030 >///<” _ it was a true piece of literature. 

“Oh- uh- hey, hey Misato-sama-san-senpai, and Ritsuko.” he stuttered out, nervous about them finding out about his EPIC Olive Garden date later.

The two ignored him completely, but in order to not raise suspicion, he decided to sit behind the vending machine as he listened to Big Kaworu Rush’s hit song, Womanizer mmd video on Pandora. 

Not even Spotify, the dumb little bitch WAAAA-baby doesn’t know it’s not 2013 anymore.

Ritsuko checked her NERV issued tablet to see if there was any news regarding Big Kaworu Rush’s whereabouts and activities. “Gahh… if only these things weren't the same model as the first ever iPad then maybe they’d work…” she grumbled

“Well, do you know anything new?” The purple haired choccy milk loving manager asked her, peering over her shoulder. “What’s this?” she pointed at the screen.

The blonde looked over at her girlfriend, “It’s basically just saying that there’s no new information.”

“Nothing?” Misato took a drink of choccy milk.

“You are correct. All we do know is that Big Kaworu Rush’s songs are composed of BUMPIN beats and AWESOME lyrics, but that's it.” Ritsuko said seriously.

Misato gasped, “That’s what they're made of?” she put down her choccy milk, her mouth agape in awe.

Ritsuko sighed, “It’s just a theory, but it has a 420% percent likelihood to be correct…” she said with confidence.

The other was in a state of utter shock, “FUNNIE NUMBER?? THAT’S A FUNNIE NUMBER!!” Misato was absolutely losing her mind over 420 funnies.

“H-here, just, watch this awesome 100 gecs big kaworu rush amv, it’ll calm you down.” Her girlfriend attempted to make sure the funnies didn’t make her go insane.

As soon as the words “100 gecs big kaworu rush amv” left Ritsuko’s mouth, Misato was entranced and grabbed the tablet out of her hands with passion. “This is the best thing I’ve ever seen…”

“Yes, it’s considered to be the best video on earth by 99.89% of the TOKYO-3 population.” Rituko stated factually. 

Misato looked up at her with confusion, “Wait… that means… that…” she stopped before she was about to throw up even thinking about the implications of Ritsuko’s statement.

“There is 0.11% of the population who doesn’t like the video.” The blonde finished her sentence, having a higher tolerance to people who hate on awesomesauce things.

The staff of NERV walked by them in a hurry, also discussing the amv.

“I mean...Kaworu x Komaeda is like...so hot though!” one employee whispered quietly.

Another looked suspicious of the statement. “But Komaeda x sans is canon…”

Gendo walked behind them, doing his classic gendo pose, he nodded at what they were saying, seeing as it was his amv, he needed to stay on top of the audience reception. SEELE was hardcore with their blackmail.

Misato looked over at Shinji once they had walked past, who was still sitting behind the vending machine, now crying. “What’s wrong, Shinji-kun-chan-hime?”

“Ah... N-nothing's wrong...” Shinji had been watching the big kaworu rush 100 gecs amv himself, and was very disappointed that the poster shipped kaworu x komaeda. So he ended up downvoting the video on Reddit 1000 times with his many alt accounts.

The purple haired manager scoffed at him, “LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

He had been caught effortlessly, and by a choccy milk loving bitch no less! “Well, Father seems to have- burned his hand!!” Shinji lied effortlessly, not wanting NERV labels to hate him even more.

“Burned? Do you know anything about that, Ritsuko?” Misato fell for it.

Ritsuko thought for a moment, “I think I remember...has anyone told you about that Electric Triangle™ beta test from around 3 months ago?” she asked him.

“Yes.” He lied again.

“Rei was playing the electric triangle, and things went haywire, but, y’know, [REDACTED].” The woman told him, “Gendo wasn’t on the scene, and had a burnt hand, so he was unable to help.” she continued to explain but was cut off by Shinji gasping. 

The brown haired boy looked shocked that Gendo even knew that his hands existed, due to the fact that he always wore those stupid fucking gloves. “Father… His hand… He burnt it?” He was also very surprised that his lie was actually the truth.

Ritsuko turned to him, very annoyed by his constant waa-ing, “Yes, he burned his palm making hash browns at his Waffle House part time job, yes Shinji. Yes he did.” she told him, before walking away briskly with her girlfriend, annoyed by the WAAAA-baby.

\---

Shinji was busy thinking about his date with Kaworu when he entered the boys locker room and saw Kensuke and Toji whip and nae-naeing to Big Kaworu Rush’s new song, Whip Nae Nae.

“Now watch me whip, now watch me nae nae-” Kensuke started before he was interrupted.

“NOW WATCH ME NAE NAE, OKAY!” Toji screamed out.

“NOW WATCH ME WHIP, WHIP WATCH ME NAE NAE!!” Kensuke sang along.   
  


“LET ME DO IT!!!!” Toji yelled at the top of his longs.

“...What are you guys doing?” Shinji said, standing there in judgemental silence.

“Listening to the new Big Kaworu Rush song obviously,” Kensuke said like it was a fact that everybody already listened to Big Kaworu Rush’s new hit single, Whip Nae-Nae.

“Big Kaworu Rush came out with a new song?!” Shinji said, quickly going over to see what they were listening to. He was too busy worrying about his DATE with KAWORU and writing his KAWORU X READER FANFICTION (WHICH WAS BASICALLY JUST HIM AS THE READER) to watch Big Kaworu Rush’s new music video.

“YEAH!! COME ON SHINJI, SING IT WITH US!” Kensuke said.

“I’m bad at singing though, I never listened to the lyrics, I… I-” Shinji said, making WAAAA baby excuses even though he wanted to sing.

“COME ON SHINJI! MAN UP AND SING IT WITH US!” Toji said.

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I’M COMING SINCE YOU INSIST! ALRIGHT… YEAH WATCH ME WATCH ME, YEAH WATCH ME WATCH ME, YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH-” Shinji sang before his phone rang out, showing a new notification from Kaworu’s snap.

‘Hey bae haha at olive garden waiting for u to come soon <3 love u haha’.

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Shinji yelled out, interrupting Kensuke’s and Toji’s epic duet on Whip Nae Nae. “GUYS I HAVE TO GO.”

“Alright,” Kensuke said, kind of disappointed he wasn’t able to ROCK OUT TO WHIP NAE NAE with Shinji.

Shinji happily left, quickly replying to Kaworu’s snap. ‘Hehe x3 i’m so excited to come and see u!11!!!11 >u< love u ^w^’

\---

It was around 3 PM when Shinji walked to SEELE HQ to meet Kaworu for their AWESOME Olive Garden date, he sent him one last snapchat before knocking on the door of the giant public building he can just walk into. 

_‘HAII O3O I’M HERE >//<’_

0.1 second later, Kaworu strolled out of the building, holding a Five Nights at Freddy’s x Big Kaworu Rush collab bouquet. “Hello king slash r <3” he said.

Kaworu had recently decided that adding a ‘/r’ to everything he said was the best way to flirt with Shinji, and it was somehow working.

“KYAAA~~ Kaworu-kun-chan-senpai!!” Shinji exclaimed happily, unable to contain his weeb-anese. 

They briefly did homie cpr, Kaworu had said that Shinji looked kind of out of breath (which was a lie), before getting into their custom fnaf themed limo and driving to Olive Garden. 

\---

Kaworu and Shinji were seated in the Olive Garden, and began to decide on their homie-meals. “Do you want to get some breadsticks, Kaworu?” Shinji asked, before looking up to see that the silver haired Big Kaworu Rush member was absolutely SLAMMING something in a cup.

“OH SHIT, THIS JUICE IS BANGIN YO!!!” Kaworu smiled at the cup, licking his lips, which were now covered in orange paint.

Shinji panicked, not sure if paint was something you’re supposed to drink, “IT’S PAINT, ASSHOLE!” he yelled, looking around nervously for whoever put the paint in the cup. “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!”

Kaworu was perplexed, the juice was bangin, who cares if it’s paint? “I brought it from SEELE, they have it at the Big Kaworu Rush store since it’s my favorite kind of juice.” He said calmly.

“...Can I try some?” The brown haired teen asked, now interested in the “juice”.

He handed him the cup, and Shinji took a sip. Oh shit. This juice really is bangin. Why is it so bangin… It’s paint… man…wait… indirect homie cpr!!

Suddenly, the soon to be paint addict was snapped out of his flushed emoji kinning trance by the Olive Garden Waitress. “Are you two ready to order?”

“Two orders of kids meal pasta and some breadsticks, please.” Kaworu ordered for them, expertly knowing the most AWESOMESAUCE meal on the menu. 

Once the waitress had left their table Shinji resumed his flushed emoji kinning, “KYAAAA uwu!! How did you know what to order?” he whispered, the only other person who knew he loved kids' meals was Misato-kun-chan-san.

Kaworu sighed, “Well, Shinji, there’s this time loop and I’ve debated telling you b-” he began, but was cut off by Shinji accidentally blasting 100 gecs nightcore on his phone in the middle of Olive Garden.

However, instead of turning it off, Shinji decided to keep the music on as he took another sip of paint juice, “Can you sing this for me, bae?” He asked his boyfriend who was semi-glad that he didn’t have to explain the time loop theory.

“Of course king so true.” He answered, busting out into song despite the fact that the lyrics were basically just “(̸̝̀̂*̸̡͗͊@̵̳#̷̪̇&̷͉͆̑^̸̤̤͋͑!̴̛̮̲̈́$̷̹̃͝&̸͈̚#̶̖̙͊͝*̵̲̓(̶̞̺͆̅^̷̦͒͜”. 

While Shinji was KYAAAA-ing over the utterly epic homie performance, the other people in the restaurant had begun to evaporate, so security was called.

“We’re going to need this geccing to stop, sirs.” The security guard said, but Kaworu just ignored them and kept on geccing for Shinji.

“Hey Kaworu…” Shinji said, abruptly stopping his geccing. “Do… Do you want to roleplay sonic with me?”

“So true king!!” Kaworu immediately responded, not knowing what to say but wanting to make his boyfriend happy.

“Do you know how to roleplay Kaworu…?” Shinji nervously asked before taking a big bite of his alfredo kids pasta. 

“Kind of,” Kaworu answered. Shinji’s eyes lit up and he started going in detail about his kinnie list (which Kaworu didn’t ask for) his stance on how to properly roleplay as the Sonic characters (which Kaworu also didn’t ask for) and the importance of sonic roleplay etiquette (which Kaworu definitely didn’t ask for) but he listened intently and occasionally said ‘so true, king’ to show he understood what he said.

“Alright, then I’ll be Sonic since I’m a Sonic kinnie and you’ll be Shadow the Hedgehog because I think he’s cool!!” Shinji said. “*Sonic went over to Shadow the Hedgehog to say hi* hi Shadow…. How are you doing? Sonic asked nervously.”

“Sirs, this is a no furry establishment,” the waiter said to them, appearing out of thin air. He looked suspiciously like Komaeda from Danganronpa- I mean Big Kaworu Rush.

“The Sonic the Hedgehog franchise is not furry though, it’s just a bunch of cartoon hedgehogs-” Shinji started.

“They’re anthropomorphic animals and therefore FURRIES. I would like to ask you to leave the Olive Garden-” Komaeda the waiter said.

“Where’s your manager? I got my dollar store camera on,” Shinji said, suddenly manifesting his kodak disposable camera out of nowhere.

“What’s the situation,” Sans from undertale- I mean Big Kaworu rush said, teleporting behind Komaeda.

“Your waiter has told me I had to be removed from the premises for liking Sonic the Hedgehog because it was furry. I just want to start off by saying-”

“Isn’t Sonic furry though?” Sans said, looking at Komaeda.

“It’s furry. It has anthropomorphic animals-”

“SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS NOT FURRY!” Shinji screamed, being the WAAAA baby he is.

“Sir, I’m going to have to have you leave the premises for being a furry,” Komaeda said. “If you don’t leave I might have to call the cops.”

“Wait, don’t call the cops. I’ve got a warrant,” Sans said.

“When did you get a warrant-” Kaworu started before he was interrupted.

“PLEASE LEAVE THE BUILDING SO OUR CUSTOMERS CAN EAT THE OLIVE GARDEN BREADSTICKS IN PEACE,” Komaeda yelled out.

“FINE, I’M LEAVING! YOUR BREADSTICKS TASTE LIKE SHIT ANYWAYS!” Shinji yelled back, knowing deep down the Olive Garden breadsticks actually tasted good, especially with that dipping sauce. Yum.

“GOOD! LEAVE FOREVER YOU STUPID SONIC KINNIE!” Komaeda said before kicking them out of the Olive Garden building.

“I’m sorry I ruined our first date for us, Kaworu…” Shinji said, looking depressed outside of the Olive Garden building. “Wait, I got something for you!”

“What is it?” Kaworu asked, watching Shinji look through his Big Kaworu Rush backpack with Five Nights at Freddy's pins attached to it.

“Here!” Shinji said, put in Kaworu’s hand a Freddy Fazbear funko pop. “I know our date didn’t really go well for us today but… I hope this makes up for it.”   
  
Kaworu looked at the Freddy Fazbear funko pop lovingly. “Thank you Shinji. I’ll make sure to treasure this.”

  
  


\---

Ritsuko peered over her girlfriend’s shoulder in the kitchen, “What's this?!” she exclaimed, she had been invited over for dinner but was surprised to see what was being served.

“Curry…” Misato frowned, upset with what she was having to cook. “I’m out of cheese sticks because I’ve been stress-eating them…”

The blonde gave her a small smile before placing a small package on the countertop. “I got you something...as a housewarming gift.” She told her excitedly.

Her purple haired girlfriend gasped and opened up the package quickly, “Ch-Cheese sticks!! And Choccy milk!!!” she said happily, “You didn’t have to do that Ritsuko… thank you.” Misato gave her a kiss.

There was a ring at the doorbell, followed by Shinji walking in inconspicuously, hoping that Misato wouldn’t suspect where he had been. Although she might, since Kaworu dropped him off and they had recently installed a security system against choccy milk thieves… “I’m back, Misato-san-sama…” He said.

Misato stepped into the doorway from the kitchen with a cheese stick in her mouth, “Ah, watashi? Hehe.. Jaaan!! sugoi desu kawaii, shinji-kun-chan! Dobaaatto! ” what was she saying? We may never know, the only other person fluent in weebanese was Shinji.

“Are you serious?” He yelled nervously, now very worried due to Misato’s statement. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” 

She smiled eerily, “We’ll discuss that later, BUT FOR NOW, DIN-DIN IS ALMOST READY! Her tone shifted dramatically as she ran off into the kitchen lightheartedly.

Shinji sat down at the table, extremely shaken by what Misato had said to him in weebanese. He opened up his phone, snapchatting Kaworu a _‘konichiwaaa >w< <3 <3 our date was so doki doki~~ btw… who did u tell watashi listen 2 100 gecz ? o_0? Okii bai bae U///U’ _ before getting ready to eat “dinner”, even though he had already eaten dinner.

A platter of epic choccy milk and cheese stick dishes sat on the table, “ITADAKIMASU, mina-san!! Prepare your kokoros for this SUGOI meal!” Misato said as she set out everyone’s plates, “I hope I didn't mix any soap in this time...”

Ritsuko smiled as she sat down at the table, “I guess you cooked this, Misato?” she commented as she took a look at microwaved choccy milk soup and cheese stick cake.

The purple haired woman blushed, “Oh, you noticed?” she asked, hoping that her EPIC dinner was good.

The blonde took a bite of the cheese stick cake, “It was the taste, you’re very good at making these...” which was a bit of an exaggeration, to say the least.

“ARIGATO!!” Misato replied, ecstatic as she took a sip of the choccy milk.

They continued to eat in silence, save for occasional ping from Shinji’s phone as he ignored his food to snapchat his boyfriend some emo relationship quotes. “Who are you texting, Shinji?” Ritsuko asked.

He rolled his eyes and got up from the table, “FUCK YOU!! I #WANTYOUDIED!! I’M BUSY, PONPONPON WAYWAYWAY PONPON!!” he screamed as he kinned sonic, annoyed that his homie time was interrupted.

Shinji ran into his room, shutting the door and blasting 100 gecs nightcore as he screamed into a pillow.

“Don’t worry, Ritsuko, this happens about thrice a week.” Misato said as she continued to nom with her girlfriend.

After finishing her ‘meal’ with her girlfriend, Misato went to Shinji’s room so he could give Rei her NERV Labels gay energy lisence tomorrow. “Shinji? Are you there?” She said.

“What is it? Can’t you see I’m busy,” Shinji grumbled, angry he was interrupted from making his MAGNUM OPUS Neon Genesis Evangelion (relationship tag Angel!Kaworu x OC Shinji), which was his fanfiction with CURRENTLY 50k words that he wrote in 3 days. Love him or hate him, you’ve got to admire his dedication.

“Can you give Rei her NERV Labels gay energy lisence?” Misato asked. 

“Fine,” Shinji answered, pretending like he listened to what Misato was saying. He was currently busy texting Kaworu and asking him really specific questions for Neon Genesis Evangelion. ‘kaworu what type of noodlez 0_0 would you eat 4 breakfast nya ^w^ if you had two eat noodlez <w< and NO -_- you can't say bow ties QoQ.’ 

“Here’s her NERV Labels gay energy lisence. Make sure you don’t lose it,” Misato said, putting it directly on Shinji’s keyboard so he had to look at it.

“Alright, I know already! Let me finish the next chapter of Neon Genesis Evangelion,” Shinji said, shooing Misato away. When Misato finally left, he looked at Rei’s NERV Labels gay energy lisence. Rei looked really similar to his mom, but somehow more gayer. ‘ _Must be nothing,_ ’ Shinji thought before furiously typing away the next page to Neon Genesis Evangelion.

\---

The next day, Shinji woke up to a note on his desk to bring Rei her new NERV Labels gay energy lisence. He sighed, snapchatting Kaworu a _“omg konichiwa gm >//< <3 <3 KYAAAA kaworu-kun-chan!!”_ before shutting off his Big Kaworu Rush alarm and walking to Rei’s apartment, which was about a block away.

He knocked on the door to Rei’s Humble Abode™, but was met with nothing. Cringe much? Annoyed that this was taking away precious time he could be listening to Big Kaworu Rush, he opened the door anyways. “Rei?”

What he was greeted with shocked him.

Rei was sitting at her desk, on her computer, writing the script for Evangelion 3.0: you can (not) redo the 2012 anime movie. NO WAY!! Rei ships kawoshin? Based.

“Y...You… Ship me with Kaworu?” Shinji gasped, in a state of shock that his estranged sister shipped him with his boyfriend.

The blue haired girl rolled her eyes, emoting only slightly in annoyance, “Yes, now will you go? I’m very busy.” She said, turning back to her screen and continuing to type.

Shinji was at a loss. Rei was the first person, other than Kaworu, who had shipped him with Kaworu. He couldn’t just NOT be besties with her now! “Uh, ah- so…” he struggled to find the right words.

“What is it?” She asked, not taking her eyes away from her writing.

He decided to walk up to her, looking over her shoulder, seeing that she was now writing a scene where he and Kaworu looked at the stars, “REI-CHAN-SAN!! THAT’S SO KAWAII KYAAA!!” he said, annoying her even further. 

She turned to him, “What do you want, Shinji?” she asked. 

Now sitting in the chair next to hers, he started bombarding her with questions, “How did you know we were dating?” “KYAAA can you make us kiss in this? Sugoi desu nyan!!” “Do you have a Wattpad??” Rei was at her fucking limit.

“Shinji, this is not a fanfiction, it is real, and I’m very busy.” She told him, visibly tired from the constant questions, she took a sip of blue Kool-Aid.

Even though he had no idea what that was supposed to mean, Shinji decided to go along with it. “You’re right, it is real, Rei-chan-hime!” it was not, at least not to his knowledge, but he needed a new bestie. 

Rei raised her eyebrow, silently expressing suspicion that he actually had any idea what the time loop theory is. But eventually, she just ignored him, reaching the logical conclusion that he just needed a new bestie.

They sat at the desk for a while in silence, Shinji watching the blue haired electric triangle player write her kawoshin biography and occasionally KYAAA-ing. “Do you listen to 100 gecs, Rei?”

“No…what is that?” she turned to him, pushing the cracked glasses she was wearing up on the bridge of her nose. “I’ve only heard one band, 01 Direction, it’s all I need.”

Shinji just about had a seizure from that, “YOU’VE WHAT!??!” he screamed loud enough for the entire building to hear. “YOU’VE GOT TO LISTEN TO BIG KAWORU RUSH!!” he decided to give up on gecc-ifying Rei, and focused on priorities. 

The blue haired girl blinked at him, “But… it’s a rival band, is it not?” she questioned. It was actually a lie that she only listens to 01 Direction, she also listens to girl in red, if you know what I mean.

He began to WAAAA, “I- I thought you shipped me and Kaworu, though?” he went in the corner to cry and snapchat his boyfriend some emo relationship quotes. Rei ignored this and went back to writing.

“Your gay energy license has been renewed, that’s why watashi came here...” The brown haired Sonic kinnie muttered as he put the small plastic card on the desk, reconsidering his choices in besties.

She nodded, taking it into her hand and thanking herself for listening to girl in red. “We have to go to NERV HQ now, can you stop listening to ponponpon, please?” she asked him.

Shinji, emo as ever, didn’t listen, and Rei ended up having to drag him all the way to NERV by force.

\---

“Central Dogma is open now. Please use the 4th bruh city gate.”

“Here’s your new NERV Labels gay energy lisence,” Shinji said, giving the card to Rei.

“I'm sorry about that,” Shinji said as they went up the NERV Labels escalator. 

“About what?” Rei asked.

“For saying that your biography of me and Kaworu was fanfiction,” Shinji said.

“You’re still not over that?”

“Well… I just wanted to ask you something. Hypothetically, if you were to say, make me and Kaworu star crossed lovers…” Shinji started.

“That never happened though. Didn’t you write that in your fanfiction?”

“Well, yes but-” Shinji said.

“If it never happened it can’t be put in.”

“WHY?!?!” Shinji cried, kinning his inner WAAA baby.

“Are you and Kaworu REALLY star crossed lovers?” Rei said, staring at Shinji.

“YES WE ARE!!! AT LEAST WE ARE IN NEON GENESIS EVANGELION!! COME ON REI, THE TIME LOOP THEORY EXISTS JUST PUT IT IN FOR ME-” Shinji complained, summoning forth the WAAA baby in him.

SLAP. “Can you stop whining? I’m trying to think of what to write for the next scene of Evangelion 3.0: you can (not) redo 2012 anime movie. It doesn’t help that I have to go to Waffle House right after this,” Rei said.

Shinji just stared at Rei in shock. “BUT STAR CROSSED-” Shinji continued whining to Rei during the entirety of their ride up the escalator.

\---

Gendo had decided to take Rei to his Waffle House job on “bring your daughter to work” day. So far, all he had done was show her how awful straight people are at their jobs.

Currently, she was flicking through the Waffle House jukebox, looking for 01 Direction songs, unable to find any except for… 

“NO!!” Gendo yelled, seeing what song it was and not wanting Rei to find out about his weeaboo phase. Suddenly, old!01 Direction’s greatest hit single, Haruhi Suzumiya dance video, started BLASTING in the middle of Waffle House!

Rei was jamming, knowing The Dance™ by heart, because, well… y’know. Gendo, on the other hand, had just burned some hashbrowns AND three waffles because he looked away for 4 seconds. And his hand. 

Paramedics were rushed into the restaurant, but Rei didn’t even pay attention due to the sheer banger that she was hearing. Shinji was outside bullying Nagito Komaeda, who just needed a part time job as a paramedic. 

Gendo was fired from his job at Waffle House. Truly a sad day for NERV.

  
  


[PREVIEW]

Shinji goes WAAA, another EPICLY homie moment fueled battle of the bands occurs, and Shinji continues to try to be Rei’s bestie- to Rei’s annoyance. He also decides to change evangelion 3.0 you can (not) redo anime movies script, without rei’s permission. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spicycrab A/N: thank you for reading this chapter! a lot was abridged, so i hope its Funnie™. Also, i’m kinning wattpad rn so i am now going to ask shinji something very important. Shinji, whats ur favorite 100 gecs song?
> 
> Shinji: hehe XD :3 >w< O///O all of dem X3
> 
> fascinating. tune in next week for more epic homie moments! *dissolves*
> 
> Rosyinnie A/N: Do you guys think Sonic the hedgehog is furry???? I still don’t know. Shinji what do you think?
> 
> Shinji: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS NOT FURRY HE IS JUST-
> 
> Interesting! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR SOME AWESOME SAUCE HOMIE MOMENTS.


	6. reis triangle TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its been 5 months hope you BITCHES /pos missed us also this sucks but is the best thing we've written

Shinji awoke to another gayass day, after totally not being asleep since, uh, since whenever this was last updated. He looked over to his big kaworu rush themed phone only to see that he had 420 discord DMs from his star crossed homie, Kaworu NaGAYsa. NO FUCKING WAY! 

Shinji stared at his messages and saw that Kaworu was reading through his Kaworu x Shinji!Reader fanfiction ‘ _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ ’ that was tagged with angst, psychological, slowburn, and major canonical character death with 400k words (loser). 

_“ahah bae <3 why are we so sad in this haha <3” _Kaworu had written, using every last ounce of his strength to not talk about how this fic is almost exactly like a previous timeloop.

“KYAAAAAAAA!! Omigod ~ sugoi desuka!?!” Shinji spoke, utterly flabbergasted that his star crossed homie had read his totally original and not copy pasted fanfiction. 

But suddenly, Shinji heard a knock at his (decked out in big kaworu rush merch) door. “SHINJI-CHAN-KUN-SAMAAAAAAA i have warm choccy milk ready!!” 

“BE QUIET MISATO KUN SENPAI SAN!!!! I’M BUSY TEXTING KAWORU ABOUT MY SELF INSERT KAWORU X OC READER FANFICTION!” Shinji complained. 

“Shinji… I know how important your um… ‘Fanfiction’ is to you but you’re not even going to drink your choccy milk anymore? I even made you dinosaur nuggies!” Misato said. 

It was taking the brown haired fnaf lore expert every ounce of his control to not abandon his totally-not-boyfriend-just-his-pal-who-he-kisses-i-mean-does-cpr-with-sometimes on discord for some of those delectable dino nugs.

In the end, the nuggies were much too alluring, and he ended up just taking his phone, which was now on 1% due to staying up all night watching Ke$ha kawoshin AMVs into the kitchen to eat.

“Shinji-dono-sama-chan-tan… who are you texting?” Misato asked, taking a sip of choccy milk soup. “And why are you putting your nuggies into a big kaworu rush themed ziplock bag?” 

“I’m totally not planning on sneaking over to Seele Labels to share my undercooked dino nuggies with Kaworu- I mean nothing Misato-chan-san-sama-dono……” Shinji said, trying to sneak away from the dinner table.

“Shinji, don’t forget we have another concert coming up soon! We’re going to be performing worldwide, so don’t forget to practice playing Sans Battle - Stronger Than You (Undertale Animation Parody) on guitar 01!” Misato called out as Shinji tried to sneak out of the apartment. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say…” Shinji replied while quickly making a post on his private twitter @kaworuboyfriendofficialaccount about how he’s ‘going to go on a date with Kaworu and eat dino nuggies together xD’. 

The purple haired cheese stick connoisseur gasped as she saw what he had tweeted. “The term ‘XD’ is still in use?!” She screamed in agony, having to watch Family Guy™® on TV for the next 5 hours to calm herself, making it possible for Shinji to steal her car. 

\---

“‘CAUSE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUGGGGGG” Shinji ‘sung’ as he scrolled through the kawoshin tag on tumblr while he drove to SEELE in Misato’s car. 

Suddenly, a bicycle with the words “big kaworu rush member” emblazoned on the side began to pull him over, and because shinji is like fucking 9 years old he didn’t know that he had no legal obligation to actually pull over, and did so anyways. 

“NO WAY…. KAWORU?!?!?! YOU BIKED ALL THE WAY OVER TO SEE ME?!!!1!!1!” Shinji said as Kaworu took off his bicycle helmet (safety first).

“You’re arrested for being so true king ahaha” Kaworu said, doing his :3 smile. 

“KAWORU!!!” Shinji said, jumping out of Misato’s car and crashing it into a nearby streetlamp. “I BROUGHT YOU DINO NUGGIES!!!!” 

“What’s a nuggie <3” Kaworu replied, now doing his ^w^ face, unbothered by the several police cars surrounding said streetlamp. 

Shinji gasped, holding out his bag of nuggies, “NUUUU D’X U’V NEVUR SEEN DEM!?” He was so shocked that he started to speak even more like a 2000s XxSC3N3K1DxX than usual.

“I’m going to have to confiscate those,” said the police officer behind them that looked suspiciously like Kokichi Ouma from the 2017 video game Danganronpa V3. “They’re evidence and there has just been a car arson.” 

“MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!” Shinji screamed, shaking and crying as Kokichi Ouma took away his dino nuggies. “I mustn’t run away… I mustn’t run away…”

Kokichi Ouma from the 2017 video game Danganronpa V3 started eating Shinji’s dino nuggies as he watched Shinji have a panic attack over having his dinosaur nuggets stolen. 

“YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!!!! GIVE BACK MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!” Shinji yelled, punching the ground with his fist. 

Kaworu attempted to calm Shinji down by doing both his ^w^ face and his :3 face, but seeing as the nuggie enjoyers face was planted in the middle of the pavement, it did little to help. 

“Shinji-chan there is motto nuggiez at k-mart da! ^w^” He began to speak weebanese (Shinji’s preferred language) in order to calm him. “KYAAAA Kaworu-kun-chan-tan chu learned mah language XD glomps chu” Shinji replied, cured of his lack of nuggie induced anger in an instant. 

Unfortunately, the kmart was closed because of sans from undertale had a fan meeting inside there. “THIS CANT BE FUCKING HAPPENING (eoe reference get it because shinji said fuck in eoe NO FUCKING WAY HE SAID FUCK!!)…………” Shinji cried, trying to shatter the glass sliding doors. “GIVE ME MY DINO NUGGIES…….. GIVE ME MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“Im sorry, shinji, this wasn’t the happiness you wished for” (3.0!!! THE MOVIE EVANGELION 3.0!!!!!! WHAT!) kaworu said, and then wrapped shinji in a fnaf blanket. However, he then spotted in the distance.. NAGITO KOMAEDA!? AND OR KOKICHI OUMA!?? 

“DO YOU HAVE DINO NUGGIES” he screamed, seeing as Shinji was literally sobbing on the floor wrapped in a fnaf blanket, he needed to fix this IMMEDEIIEDEALLTKTY!!! 

The Komaeda and or Kokichi turned and say, “you are homophobia” and disappeared into the night. 

“COME BACK!!!!!!!” Kaworu yelled as Shinji pretended to faint for attention while blasting twenty one pilots (FUCKING LOSER!!!!!!!!) on his shitty ipod touch. 

Kaworu started to cry for the first SOMEWHAT-non-shinji related time, “I TRIED SO HARRRRD AND GOT SO FARRRRRRRRRR” (JUST LIKE AMV!?) he sang like the very epic band linkin park and shinji then BLUSHED!?

“KYAAAAAA KAWORU-KUN-CHAN CHU KNOW MAH FAVORITE BAND OTHUR DAN URS XDDD” he then glomped him, (KYAAA) and they did homie cpr 

Suddenly, sans from undertalw (KYAAAAAAAAAAA OMG THATS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? OMG SANDS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH *BLUSHES*) came out of the convisnense…. The conveinies….. THE FUCKING KMART STORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT and gave Shinji a pair of dino nuggies. “I am god and I heard you wish,” Sans said with a smile before riding away in his mercedes benz. 

SUDDENLY a bag of DUNO NUGGIES fell from the sky and kaworu grabbed it and then gave it to shinji and shinji started to fucking cry from happiness KYAAAAAA!!!!!   
  
BUT THEN!!! OH MY OMG!!!! Kaworu got down on ONE KNEWWW>!?!?!?! KNEE??? ONE KNEEE???? “Shinji-chan-kun will chu be teh dino to mah nuggie XD” (oH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT KAWOSHIN IS FUCKING CANON HOLY SHIT!??! GUYS!!!)

“YESS!!!!” shinji said in the kmart parking lot, THEIR LOVE WAS FINALLY GOING TO BE DINO NUGGIE!! WHAT THE (TEH) FUCK AM I WRITING!! I JUST PUNCHED MY HAND

Asuka burst out of the kmart, now wearing an eyepatch and in a completely different artsyle. “Fucking homosexuals,” she spat out while glaring at them while holding Rei 3.0’s hand. “I would never be fucking like that.” 

“Asuka, aren’t you supposed to be at the Shane Dawson convention?” Kaworu asked, clearly annoyed by the homosexual/phobic redhead interupting his and Shinji’s very romantic moment. 

She scoffed, “Shane Dawson is apparently an LGBT? FUCK that!!” she responded, not really having known who Shane Dawnson actually was in the first place. 

“NOBODY FUCKIGN UNDERSTANDS ME……………” Shinji cried. “MISATO JUST TEXTED ME AND TOLD ME I HAD TO PERFORM IN THE BATTLE OF THE BANDS WHEN I JUST GOT HOMIE PROPOSED TOO…….. (consistency see big evangelion rush has a plot fuck you( THIS CANT BE HAPPENING THIS CANT BE FUCKING HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

Kaworu did the ^w^ face, “XD letz get homie married at the battle of teh bands ahah jk jk unless?” he proposed. (HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!) Shinji then DID BLUSH AGAIN! What the HELL! 

“KYAAAAAAAAA YESH KAWORU-CHAN-KUN-SAMAAAAAAAAAA >.<” Shinji responded, texting Misato back with “okeh XD” as he ate a dino nuggie in tranquillity. 

“The fucking homosexuals are RUINING music!” Asuka muttered, “let’s go Rei, let’s go…” She dragged her girlfriend away from the #Homos because FUCK gays am i right guy 

“What did you say, Asuka?” Rei asked, looking away from her minecraft ipad. “I was busy watching minecraft house tutorials. I was going to build us a house in our world together.”

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAA THATS SO CUTE OF YOU REI!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!” Asuka said and hugged her before realizing Kaworu and Shinji were watching her. “Ahem. Later you fucking losers.” 

“asurei pilled” said sans undertale and also kokichi ouma (dangabl abdang adanga dangan ronpa) before they then disappeared into thin air *poof*. 

Kaworu turned to shinji, “wait a second… WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!11?” he yelled (at he self) and had a fucking mental breakdown (NEON GENESIS EVANGELION (SHINJIS FANFICTION) GAME REFERENCE (FANFICITON OF SHINJIS FANFICTION) >!>!>?) in the middle of kamr kmart! Ok so THEN WOW!!!! WOW GUYS!!! 

“I love you shinji” said kaworu NOT UNLIKE SHINJIS VAMPIRE!KAWORU X SHINJI!READER WATTPAD FIC!! (WO)W

“NO FUCKING WAY…. KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” and then they homie cpr’d in the middle of the parking lot #gaysexual 

“LETS FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Shinji yelled while blasting Linkin Park’s “Numb” in the kmart parking lot. 

This is just like my every time we touch nIGHTCORE KAWOSHIN AMV!!? HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPP EN ! Komaeda say fuck and then leaved, because he’s famous for being shipped with kaworu and kawoshin real (KYAAAA MAH OTP!!)

*bzzt* said shinji phone, “UGH!! Now i have to BAND!/…. See chu dere XD 4 our wed” and they homie cpr one last time (XD funnie moment!!!!!!!!!!!) 

“Get in the fucking car Shinji (EOE REFERENCE?!?!?!??!?) we’re going to the battle of the bands,” Misato said, magically repairing her car after Shinji crashed it. 

“ONLY IF YOU LET ME PLAY MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Shinji said while waving goodbye to Kaworu.

“For the last time, we’re NOT playing My Chemical Romance (my favorite band 0_o) in the car. Now get in,” Misato said, shifting into her eoe-sona.

“Fine…” Shinji said, hanging his head and getting into Misato’s toyota. 

They rode in the toyota for like 3 minutes and Shinji was having a fucking meltdown because he realized that twenty one pilots (my favorite band *_*) wouldnt be playing at his homie wedding.   
  
“Remember Shinji, you’re singing the song every time we touch today!!” (nO FUCKING WAY??) Misato said, and shinji remembered what a mythical being had told him before he was born (peter griffin family guy)  
  
 _“Remember shinji…_[ _https://youtu.be/iYBFjptQqN8_](https://youtu.be/iYBFjptQqN8) _”_ said the family guy, before being decapitated. 

They finally made it into the concert venue, which was the FIFA 2018 stadium (i dont fucking know what soccer is ok). “YOU’RE FINALLY HERE, IDIOT SHINJI! HURRY UP AND GET ON STAGE, WE’RE ABOUT TO PERFORM!” Asuka said.

“Already?!” Shinji said, but was pushed onto the stage like he was in a 2000s disney movie. The audience was chanting for him (well more for Kaworu but you get the point). Kaworu handed Shinji the mic for their epic homie duet. 

“CAUSE EVERYTIME WE TOUCH” shinji did sung, “I GET THIS FEEELEINNGNGGGG” kaworu sang back, homie cpr-ing with him in his eyes. I dont fucking know. Like. soul homie cpr. You get it. You better get it, bitch.

The crowd CHEERED!! This was so homosexualpilled!!! Gay energy was gone. Now its just gay. 

“AND EVERYTIME WE KISS (homie cpr)” shinji screamed because he cant fucking sing “I GET THIS FEEELINGGG” HWTA THE FUCK KAWORU WAS WALKING ONTO STAGE WHERE SHINJI WAS?!!? OH MY OH GOD!!? 

THEN SUDDENLY THE BIG SCREEN THAT SHOWED KAWORU AND SHINJI SINGING TOGETHER CHANGED INTO SHINJI’S FANFICTION?!?! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT HIS 105k WORD FANFICTION NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?!??!?!? “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Shinji screamed (haha end of evangelion reference). 

And then (YOU WONT BELIEVE) THEY STARTED TO KISS SING!? SING WHILE HOMIE CPR!!!!! THIS IS PIOSSSIBEL!! AND THEN THE CRODW WENT FUCKING WILD AND THEN kawoshin MARRIAGEDED!?

Kokichi ouma (dnagle rope 0//0) came on stage as the wedding uh what do you callt hat um the wedding clerk and he say “do you, shinj, take kaworu, as your lawful wedded homie XD?” 

“KYAAAAAA YESH X3” say shinji!! 

“FUCKING HOMOSEXUALS!” Asuka screamed into the mic and stormed off with her girlfriend Rei as everyone else started saying ‘congratulations’ to Shinji. Is Big Evangelion Rush human INSTURMENTALITY??!?!?!??!?!

“Thank you for joining our concert!” Misato said as the crowd cheered and the evangelion next episode song played. “In the next episode, Kaworu and Shinji finally get married?!? Tune in next time and there will be lots of fanservice (or however the next episode thing went i dont fucking know)!” 

“What the fuck are you talking about misato” asked Asuka. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosyinnie A/N: haha BER is back……….. Its finally back just in time for 3.0+1.0……….. Hope you guys……… enjoy……..
> 
> Spicycrab A/N: IM BAKC BITCHES!!!! 1 ! uh so i went insane like 3 times writing so you better like it and also uhhhhhhhh subscribe to me on youtube #promo #yolo also we wrote this completely on the spot so none of it makes sense. BYE!!11!

**Author's Note:**

> Spicycrab author note: tik tok on the clock but the party dont stop no oh oh oh, oh oh- sorry, had to get that out there. anyways, thanks for reading! even if this fic only gets like 1 view it's so fun to write :) everyone is gay in this fic and if they're not?? they're ugly like gendo or kaji. 
> 
> (I'm @7catra on twitter :D)
> 
> Rosyinnie author note: What's up gamers i hope you liked our big evangelion rush 0.1 fanfiction, we put in waaaay too much effort into it. By the way instead of the evangelions being powered by the dummy plugs they are powered by Gayness™.
> 
> Also find me on @rikolvr on twitter!!


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